Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Percentages

At work we constantly gauge each others percentages.  


Not our BMI or debt to income ratio.  Not our net worth or production to slack ratio.  It's a MUCH more important calculation.  It is taken VERY seriously and requires hard evidence.  Occasionally things get heated and we have to call in a panel of judges to hear both sides and weigh in on a ruling.  

It's totally analytical and quantitative.  GOOD THING we're all analysts and have access to spreadsheets, formulas and algorithms for those times we need to determine:

The Guy/Girl Percentage

For example, most days SSG is 95% female and 5% male ... though, if you've been keeping up here at SSG, over the past couple of weeks that percentage has slowly morphed to 90/10 (and NO it's not going any further that direction).  I'm pretty sure my dude percentage stems mainly from my knowledge of baseball ... and Mom jokes ... okay and maybe my ability to quote Tommy Boy verbatim, but that. Is. IT.

On average, I'd say most of the guys I work with run about 80/20.  

HAHAHA I LOVE that they don't know that this blog exists.  SSG's RULES, baby!  

Wait, where was I again?

OH YEAH ...

So I came into work late today and swung by my work BFF's cube on the way to mine.

SSG:  Coffee?  Or did you guys go already?
BFF:  Yeah, but I could be persuaded to go again.
SSG:  By 'persuaded' you mean I just have to ask you like, twice, right?
BFF: No it means you have to buy me a venti, nonfat, soy, half caff peppermint mocha twist with whipped cream and extra foam.  Wow, did my percentages just go down because I know what all of those things mean?
SSG:  Yeah, but that's okay.  I was JUST saying last night that I needed to hang out with more girls.
BFF:  That isn't persuading me.
SSG:  Come on!  It will be SUPER fun.  I'm sure there is some bear you can hunt in the lobby. 

Later, while eating lunch ...

SSG is having a tough time cutting up her chicken with a plastic fork.  

SSG (JOKINGLY says):  Do one of you guys have a rogue knife in your back pocket?
BFF:  (Says nothing, reaches into his pocket and busts out a some crazy foldy-uppy hunting knife.)
SSG:  (Stunned for a minute) Do one of you guys have a rogue boyfriend for SSG in your back pocket?

We laugh, make a couple of inappropriate comments and I cut up my chicken before passing the knife back to work BFF.

We're all silent as he folds it up like some serrated form of metal origami and goes back to eating his lunch.

SSG:  Okay, your percentages?  SO. Just. Went. Up.

9 comments:

Living on the Spit said...

Tommy Boy!!! I LOVE that movie and whenever I am down that totally makes me smile.

"I KNOW where you live!!!" Hahahaha...

I miss Chris farley so..

I aree with your percentage point theory...it might be worthy of more exploration.

Today, I am 98% female and 2% male.

Last night when HWM threw a temper tantrum because I axed his idea of getting yet another widescreen HD TV, his numbers looked something like this...65% male 35% female...he regrouped when I called him a spoiled BRAT.

Marlene

Cool Breeze said...

Ok. So what's up with the work BFF? Is he married or just not your type? You seem to speak of him frequently.

Molly said...

Yes, well, here in southern real estate, the guys %s are about 98/2 male/female, except for the one guy who came from California. He's about 80/20 like you say. The rest, the 98/2's, they all have the pocket knife things going on. in their custom tailored suits.

Maybe I'll have to try this out at work.

(Sometimes!) Serendipitous Girl said...

Marlene: I miss Chris Farley too! And how many TV's do people need? I have ONE--I thought the guys at work were going to have a heart attack when I told them that yesterday.

CB: Oh no. He cracks me up but is married to an awesome chick and I can say that we are DEFINITELY not each others types. Which makes him the perfect friend ... and therefore, blog fodder. You probably hear more about him than other people since we're all together for 40 hours a week. I WISH I saw my friends and invisible boyfriend that much.

Molly - Ok, are you TRYING to get me to move to the south? Manly men in custom suits? Meow. And yeah, we like to keep our guys girly on the west coast.

belladella said...

I am not sure what my percentages are. Hormones throw those numbers off big time! That's all I am sayin.

Just to say it for the 100th time- so jealous of work BFF. So jealous. And so annoyed with the people here at work today- invisible cloak going back on!

I hate to ask,but is it flooding there? I keep seeing news reports from out that way. I know weather is your favorite topic these days.

HalfAsstic.com said...

TOO FUNNY!
Right now, taking my estrogen, (peri-menopause), I am pretty darn girly. Without? Sweaty, cussing, moody, he-man, butch. I'm just saying... And Chris Farley? Without the estrogen, I AM Chris Farley.

big hair envy said...

CB & I manage to keep our percentages in the 98/2 range. I work with all men, and he lives with all women. It's all about BALANCE! Bwahahahaha!

(Sometimes!) Serendipitous Girl said...

Dudes, am I the only one who thinks it's CRAZY that he had a knife in his pocket?!

(Insert 'or was he just happy to see you' joke here.)

Frita said...

bob carries a knife in his pocket...i think it's to balance all of the polly pocket and my little pony playing that he does with little bob :o)

we're getting serious flooding here... i haven't even turned on the news in the past two days... you guys too?

might be making a trip to oregon coast for quick biz/fun trip. doing her website and need to see her shops, take pics and talk about it. you around MLK weekend?