Monday, January 5, 2009

Here We Go

Dudes, I've started like 75 different posts today.  So instead of one, you get them ALL.


1)  Can You Judge a Book by His Package?  

I have cracked up at everyones questions both here and in my real life as I tell the tale of my neighbor getting arrested.   The vast majority have responded with the following: 
"Wait, why is he not cute anymore?"  

Let me assure you MEN (all five of you) in the audience, it has NOTHING to do with how he filled out his boxer briefs.  If anything he came out of this arrest looking better because he was IN boxer briefs (mama like).  And!  Cold night + drunk = probably more goin' on in there than what I saw ... wait, where was I again?  Oh yeah.

He is no longer cute because he drove hammered, resisted arrest, led the cops on a high speed chase and then decided to let the cops bust his door down while he took off his pants?

On second thought ... is dating bad boys acceptable again?  I've been looking for the COMPLETE package, but maybe I've had it COMPLETELY wrong.
(Ha ha. Get it? See what SSG did just there? She took the word completely and ... ok.)

2)  ONLY a Guy

A couple of my neighbors called me on Saturday to find out WTF happened to NFKACN (try saying that out loud--it made a group of us laugh today for like ... 10 seconds, but it was a FUNNY 10 seconds).  We were comparing stories and hands down, the BEST thing I've heard was as NFKACN was running down the street, after ditching his car and TRYING to ditch the cops chasing him, he ran past the nanny of my neighbors across the street.  It was late, she was getting something out of her car and he startled her.  He yelled "WHO ARE YOU?!"  To which she responded "WHO ARE YOU?!"  He yelled back:

 "I'm NFKACN!  Wanna come to my house AND PARTY?!"

Further proof that NOTHING comes between a guy and his package. 

3) I Told Her it Was the Radio

I took Fisher to see my little sister (through Big Brothers & Big Sisters) this weekend.  Fisher was sitting in the front seat and my little sister was trying to get her to sit in the back seat (little sis is too young to ride in the front seat, lest you think I treat my dog better than an 11 year old).   "Fisher," my little sister said "you're a front seat girl not a back seat girl, huh?  No you're not, you're NOT a back seat girl, are you?  No ... SSG what's so funny?"

4)  Dinner Conversation & Question

I had a friend over for dinner this weekend and we were discussing boys.  My theory is this:  If a guy likes you, he likes you.  He's going to call you, initiate hanging out, ask questions and act interested.  If a guy doesn't like you at first, he's not going to start liking you after you're friends for a few months.  Where I think girls are the opposite.  A girl may not like a guy at first, but after she hangs out with him for a while, she can start to like him.

My friend?  COMPLETELY disagreed with me.  What do you guys think?

75)  Provence Found Portland!
I got an e-mail that Mrs. Bob forwarded me today and the owners of the B&B we stayed at in Provence found my blog.  How cute is that?  And who wants to go to France?  Because Mrs. Bob and I are leaving tomorrow.

This post got WAY less funny as it went on.  But for the record ...

PACKAGE means PENIS in this post. 

9 comments:

Molly said...

#1 - this briefly (haha) made me think of the Al Gore/package magazine cover
#4 - SSG correct; honorable friend? wrong.

Living on the Spit said...

You are so funny...

laughed my whole way through this and yes, I read it all.

Bad boys, hmmmm...they are fun for a diversion, but not for marrying. I agree with you. you need the complete package.

Package, there I said it again....Package, package, package...to me, package seems bigger than using the word PENIS.

Package/Penis, you choose.

Paris? What? I wanna go, but you promised Italy first.

I am so confused. One topic per post please...I am too ADHD to remember all this....wait, were we talking about snow?

Love you,

Marlene

Krissa said...

As far as question 4 goes, that is exactly right! If a guy is the least bit nice or interesting the longer a girl hangs out with him the more attractive she will find him if he's trying at all. At this point all he needs to do is present her with a "package".

Cool Breeze said...

I don't know if I should reveal the secrets of men to all you women. Isn't that what turns you all on anyway? Don't you all like that mystery crap?

I will tell you this. In order to know a man, you must date him for at least a while. Everything in the beginning is just BS because, as you said, if he likes you, he will talk to you. But the truth is that if he wants to talk to you, all he is really saying is that he wants to present you with his package.

Predo said...

The answer to everything is simple...."It is all in the packaging".

thevinylvillage said...

HA HA HA! See, Im glad I wasnt the only one who immediately thought that.

Can't he still be cute? In a "Im the prison maiden and he is the rough convict" one time fantasy kind of way? Or do only guys think like that?

belladella said...

(Sometimes!) you just leave me speechless- and dying with laughter!

Also- BellaFella does not have an older brother or any brothers for that matter- I was lucky enough to get that only one. But I can update you and let you know that my own little brother (former baseball player) is now single. Oh, he's also thinkin of giving the firefighting thing a try. I am just sayin :)

Big Hair Envy said...

It's fine for a guy to present a girl with a package....as long as he delivers;)

Lys said...

OHHH - When are we all going on the field trip to France??

NFKACN - yeah, he's "special"... and NO he's not acceptable for SSG. We might have to have a "chat" with him. Here's an idea - let's encourage him to get stuck in a tree whereby necessitating a call to the Fire Department to "assist" and, perhaps, a little eye candy for SSG??

Your little sister - hilar! Fisher is NOT a backseat gal. Not in the least.

And re: the Friends issue - You are absolutely correct.