Thursday, January 22, 2009

Do These Shoes Make My Butt Look Big?

Guys of the world?

SSG feels your pain.

Today her work BFF casually asked her:  "Do you like these shoes?"

SSG looked down ... and so did NOT like the shoes.

SSG:  Mmm hmm!  Yes!
BFF:  No you don't.


So SSG did what any self respecting guy would do in her situation.  She pretended she didn't hear the question.

SSG:  Uh, I'm sorry.  What?
BFF:  Wha ...
SSG: Wow, that girl over there looks just like Tom Brady's girlfriend.  What's her name again?
BFF:  Giselle?  Where?!
SSG:  Oh she just walked into Starbucks, you should go get your refill.  I'll see you upstairs. (SSG sprints to the elevator.  And then turns around to see work BFF right behind her.)
BFF:  Seriously, do you like them?
SSG:  (Starts sweating.)  Do YOU like them?
BFF:  I don't know, I thought I did but then looking at these pants, I don't know.
SSG:  (SSG frantically hits their floor button over and over again.)
BFF:  So dude?
SSG:  (SSG nods her head.)  Dude.
SSG:  Since when do you care what I think?
BFF:  So does that mean you DON'T like them?
SSG:  I didn't say that.  Why did you buy them if YOU didn't like them?
BFF:  I know what I think, tell me what YOU think.
SSG:  Well if YOU already know what YOU think, why are you even asking me?
BFF:  I'm going to kill you.
SSG:  Please do, then I can't answer.  I ... I ... I MEAN violence NEVER solves anything!
BFF:  HA!  I knew you didn't like them.  
SSG:  I'm ... uh ... well ... I'm not sure I'd wear them with those pants (SSG thinks to herself 'or any pants.')
BFF:  What's wrong with these pants.
SSG:  (Wondering when she walked into a mine field.)
BFF:  Don't answer that.  I just don't like how my shoes are black, my socks are a different shade of black and my pants are gray.
SSG:  (Bites her bottom lip and says quietly) I thought guys socks were supposed to match their pants?
BFF:  No they're supposed to match your shoes.
SSG:  I think that's for women.
BFF:  (Earth crumbling.)
SSG:  You know, SSG knows NOTHING about fashion.  We have two gay guys in the office.  Let's ask them.
BFF:  Okay, it's TOTALLY obvious.  The only appropriate color of socks is white.  Regardless of shoe color.
SSG:  Or shoe style.  White socks and sandals?  HOT. 
BFF:  I'm never asking for your opinion on anything ever again.


Unknown said...

White socks and flip flops are so funny!!! LMAO at 6:oo am! I thnk I just woke HWM up!

What was the female/male ratio here?

Have a great day!


Molly said...


Anonymous said...


I finally convinced CB to wear sandals this past summer. We have a pool, and he looked silly walking around in Dockside's all the time. (Not to mention those white feet!!) He will NEVER wear flip-flops, but a nice pair of Tiva's did the trick:) Thank GOD he is well aware that white socks are only made to be worn with tennis shoes!!!

I Am Woody said...

My poor sweet father always wears black socks in winter and white in the summer!!

Rhi said...

But, a man can NEVER, EVER wear white socks with his dress clothes. CRINGE!!

Bella Della said...

So funny.

So, boss walks in yesterday and asks if I have a safety pin. I do. He takes off his suit jacket and proceeds to tell me that his sleeves are too long. Sigh. I had to fold up his shirt in the back and pin it. Dear god.

Frita said...

Too funny!!! It's a slippery slope that I put Bob on regularly... poor man. said...

UGG! I HATE that! My best friend, is a very short little lady that has a weight problem and a few years ago when the weight was definitely in the "on again" phase she got a spiral perm. OH. MY. GAWD. The only thing bigger than her was her hair. It made her look like a mushroom cloud. And added a good 20 lbs to the look of her.
I just COULD NOT tell her that. She asked me, very directly, mind you, and I just couldn't do it. I mean it was a PERMANENT, perm. If I told her it was awful there was nothing she could do about it.
Thank God it's all gone and cute, now... *shudder*

Predo said...

Ha! See, SSG is ALWAYS helping the handicapped!

Love you Kitten!