Friday, February 27, 2009

What's That Now?

Almost every Thursday for the past two years, SSG has hauled her ass to therapy.  It has been some of the hardest, most painful work I have ever done.  But it has also been the most rewarding.  

Damn it.

Why can't the EASY stuff be rewarding?

I liken it to Shawshank Redemption where watching Tim Robbins over the years, little by little chiseling his way to freedom sends chills through SSG's body every time she watches it.  SSG thinks of that movie as she hacks away toward freedom too.  

Anyhoo.  I don't talk too much about it but I should.  It is a part of my life at this point in time.  But I worry it might make people uncomfortable and you might think I'm crazy.

So I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable.  But I am kind of crazy.  Though I figure you know that about me by now, right?  Right.

So my therapist is awesome.  From the first night when I sat on the couch across from her and after a couple of minutes of pleasantries, she looked me in the eye and asked very kindly "So, what brings you here?"  And I opened my mouth to answer.  

But instead I started crying.  

Like ugly, heaving breaths snot running all over my face crying.  And she calmly handed me a box of tissue ... and then the trash can as I proceeded to go through the entire box of tissue.  And then she said the most reassuring most perfect thing I could have ever heard at that point.  She said warmly "I will help you.  Every step of the way.  And we'll let it all out in small doses."

And that's exactly what we've done.  

So anyway, I've been feeling restless.  I created a ton of space for myself earlier this year to create something.  I don't know what I wanted to create.  But it was going to be GOOD.  And I wanted some results.  I don't know what kind of results I was expecting.  But I expected them.  And they were going to be HUGE.  

And they aren't here yet.  Two months later.

And SSG has a little problem with patience.

So I was lamenting about all of that last night.  Laying out everything I've been doing.  And that I'm much happier than I WAS, but I'm not you know.  HAPPY.  I'm feeling kind of like "Half Ass SSG."  Like I'm doing a lot, but all of it is kind of ... average.  And I don't know what I'm expecting to be ... Full Ass SSG?  (Because um, check.  SSG has a bootie, internets.)  Whatever, I don't know.  I just don't feel rootedconnectedfulfilledexcited.  Instead I have this huge thought bubble over my head that has me asking ...  "Is this IT?"

Don't get me wrong.  I have A LOT to be grateful for.  I am incredibly pleased with how far I've come.  But I want more.  I want to give more.  I want to be more.  I want to leave this world feeling as if I've made a difference.  And peeps, I'm not FEELIN' IT.  

So I'm saying all of this and explaining to Rock Star Therapist how I lay out my day to accomplish all of these things.  And she just kind of looks at me and says "what are you doing for fun?  That has no end goal in mind.  That's just FUN?"

(Insert SSG's blank stare here.)

Um, come again?

Isn't waking up at 4:30 to give myself time to write, taking the train at 6 a.m. to get to work by 7 a.m. so I can get home by 5 p.m. take Fisher for a walk, cook some dinner and do some writing again before I go to bed and do it all over again fun?  Isn't it?  Come on!  YES IT IS!  UH HUH!

Hmmm ... that doesn't sound like it, no.

All of it must be done, for sure.  And there are elements of each piece that I like.  But it did kind of stump me for the last 15 minutes of our session where I sat there thinking ... hmmm ... what exactly am I doing TO LOOSEN MYSELF THE FUCK UP?

And the answer to that would be um ... nothing.

So now FUN (!) is on the list ... and I know lists aren't fun, but damn it.  SSG is going to find some fucking fun if it kills her.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Oh Hello!

Well helllllllllooooo!

How is everyone?  Sorry for the absence and THANK YOU for all of yo e-mails!  I loved them!  And I'm sorry to cause any worry.  SSG is fine, just hit a bit of a writer's block and realized I've been running on creativity FUMES for a while now.  Just had to fill that tank back up.  Um, hello?  Vacuum post anyone?  Sorry about that!  But THANKS for your suggestions.  I still don't know what I'm going to do ... though the dramatic almost week long pause gave me ample time to think of it! 

I realize that by not writing I keep a running list of things I want to tell you tucked safe away in this little mind of mine.  Which is fine when the list has like, two things on it.  But then it starts overflowing and things get jumbled together and pretty soon I'm referring to myself in the third person.  As SSG.  At work.  Though no one knows I write mah blawg.  Oopsie.  

So!  In no particular order, this is a recap on SSG's life over the past week.


Is working his cute little behind to the bone at his new job.  Lucky for me, this means fewer offers to help me paint (SSG has a commitment problem and can't choose a color ... nor does she have the focus to actually, you know.  PAINT.)  But it also means that I haven't seen him since HE PICKED ME UP AT THE AIRPORT AND BROUGHT ME A VALENTINE'S DAY PRESENT.  Because he is the BEST BOYFRIEND EVER.  Too bad he isn't mine.  But Jimmy is a a lucky, lucky man.  Luckily I get to see him on Saturday and might knock him to the ground and smother him with kisses ... which I THINK is the real reason he hands me a cocktail the second I walk in their door so I don't get a chance to do just that.  SSG is easily distracted by vodka.  

Living la Vida Single

One of SSG's girl friends and SSG have decided to pull themselves away from dinner parties and happy hour groups and get out and mingle, just the two of them, with the fine gentlemen of Portland.  We jokingly started calling it "Boyfriend Watch 2009" as a nod to the local newscasters who tend to label and WATCH everything.   

We chose a basketball game for our first outing.  Portland has a professional basketball team, the Blazers.  Perhaps you've heard of them?  Yeah we didn't go there.  We went to a college basketball game.  And then as we sat there, cracking up because the people in the stands were COLLEGE KIDS, I happened to spy a cutie on the court.

SSG:  Hey, that guy's pretty cute.
Friend:  He's a coach.
SSG:  And?
Friend:  Man we're old when we start looking at the coaches.
SSG:  Dude, you go right ahead and take your pick of anyone else here, Mary Kay Latourneau.

Afterward we went and grabbed a beer, flirted with a couple of boys and called it a night.  It was fun.  Next up ... an afternoon at one of the local breweries.  Stay tuned!  SSG is pretty sure she'll have NOTHING to tell you about.

I did however, do a little recon mission.  Monday afternoon I Googled the cutie on the court.  It turns out he's the athletic trainer for the team, so I sent the link to my friend who noticed his phone number and e-mail address.  "You should e-mail him!"  She said.  

Oh yes right.  And how would that go again?

"Um hi.  You don't know me and I swear I'm not a stalker but I saw you on Saturday at the game.  I thought you were cute, so I Googled the college, scrolled through the website to find the athletics department, found the team site, clicked on all of the coaches pictures until I found yours and low and behold it has no mention of a spouse but it DID include your phone number and e-mail addy!  WHAT are the chances?!"

Quiet Guy

It was Quiet Guy's birthday yesterday!  Everyone say Happy Birthday to QG!  Because I know he reads every day.  It's the only thing that explains him not talking to me for weeks at a time, doing a few drive by staring sessions in my cube and then telling me that I don't compliment him enough.  Um?  Aren't I the girl?  And wait, what?  We're not even dating.  Because OH YEAH, WE DON'T EVEN TALK TO EACH OTHER.  

This boy makes me shake my head on a daily basis.  Good thing he's part of the (small!) posse that's coming over to my house for a seven course dinner that will take hours.  I'm counting on the wine to loosen him up and get to the bottom of this business once and for all.  Otherwise SSG's head might explode ... or she'll just do a swan dive into her wine glass.

(BTW ... Work BFF heard this exact same rant yesterday.  I'm sure he loved it as I know you all do too.  Welcome to SSG's world.)

Work BFF

Work BFF and I have started critiquing peoples outfits.  It's something I do in my head and didn't realize he'd be into it until we started our now daily debate of if men's socks should match their pants or their shoes.  SSG says they should match men's pants unless they're wearing khakis or jeans because SSG IS RIGHT.  

Work BFF has himself convinced that men's socks should match their shoes.  Which um.  No.  

Anyhoo ... men, women we critique everyone.  Which both of us find hilarious because neither of us are particularly good looking ... or stylish.  But that doesn't stop us from pointing out to each other what would make other people better than they currently are.  So in that vein, we've taken to calling ourselves ...


But enough about SSG, how are YOU?

Friday, February 20, 2009

Random Question

Spring is coming and SSG has cleaning her carpets as item numero uno on her Spring Cleaning To Do List.

I was pricing out professional cleaners in the area, but they seemed kind of expensive and I don't like the idea of a bunch of chemicals in my carpet.  I was pondering buying a steam vacuum because I read you can put warm water and vinegar in them.  Does anyone have any experience with these babies?  How do you guys keep your carpets clean?  Halp!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Astute Command of the Obvious

So yesterday at lunch we were discussing our favorite TV shows.  SSG usually runs behind on most things.  For example, she JUST finished book 4 of Twilight after starting it over a month ago (sorry Predo!).  And side note:  RENESME?!  WTF?!?!  LAMEST name EVER.  That's what took her so long to get through it.  Try not wanting to throw the book in a fireplace every time you come across that moniker.  Wait, where was I again?

Oh yeah.

So the start of every lunch usually goes something like this:

Beaver Jerky (sorry, SSG couldn't resist):  Have you watched 24 yet?
SSG:  No.
BJ:  What about The Office?
SSG:  Dude, no.
BJ:  Ok, you've HAD TO HAVE WATCHED LAST WEEK'S 24 by now?!
SSG:  (shakes her head)
BJ:  Oh. My. God.  Why do I even bother asking?
Work BFF:  Dude, we go through this EVERY DAY.

So to mix it up a bit, every once in a while SSG likes to throw a curve ball at the boys like "Ohmahgah, let's go get pedicures together this weekend!  It will be SO MUCH FUN!"  or "Did you guys WATCH THE BACHELOR LAST NIGHT?  What did you think about that naked girl on girl pillow fight?"  You know, just to keep things interesting.

As was the case yesterday ...

SSG:  Ohmahgah.  Boys.  Dancing With the Stars starts up soon!  Do you have your sequined shirts ready and WILL THEY be open to the waist?
Work BFF:  Dude, I'm trying to eat over here.
SSG:  American Idol?  Anoop Dog in the house?
BJ:  How do you watch THAT?
New Guy:  Hey, I watch it with my wife sometimes.
Work BFF & BJ:  Ooooh, sorry man.
New Guy:  What about The Unit?  Do you guys watch it?

(SSG & Work BFF look quickly at each other, eyes huge.)

BJ:  Oh yeah.  I like The Unit a lot.  

(SSG & Work BFF start cracking up.)

BJ:  WHAT DID I SAY?  I like the show THE UNIT okay?!
Work BFF:  Dude, you like the unit we get it.
SSG:  What guy DOESN'T?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


The First

SSG decided to LOOK for good news today, because um NO OTHER NEWS SOURCES ARE.  And guess what?!  SSG found some!  Paul Krugman's blog got on Time's 25 Best Blogs List.  And SSG LOVES herself some Paul Krugman!

The guys from Freakonomics joked "What do economists have in common with garbage?  Neither gets picked up at a party."  But if SSG was at a party, she'd break her "no approaching guys first" rule and go STRAIGHT for Paul Krugman.  Check out his blog here.

The Second

The number one Google Hit SSG gets after people searching for moi, is "FBI SSG" due to this post.  I'm pretty sure guys looking for an SSG position with the FBI wonder WTF landed them on my site.  On second thought ... perhaps I should post my phone number and let them know to send their resumes to me first ... with photos.

Curious as to what SSG stands for?  So was I.  Check it out here.  (And what is UP with (Sometimes!) Serendipitous Girl not even making the list?!)

The Third

SSG is watching Martha Stewart again.  Ok she watched ONE episode of Martha Stewart yesterday.  It was a repeat where she had a ton of babies on the show and in the audience.  They were all adorable babies, but the sheer chaos and noise were about to BLOW M's head clean OFF HER BODY.  The episode ran short and a couple of ladies got to ask Big M some questions.  The poor woman looked like she was going to gouge out her producer's eyes with sheer force of mind jujitsu.  One of the guests asked "how do you get stains out of baby clothes?"  

And Martha!  Who could quite possibly write a thesis on the topic while simultaneously building a potting shed with paper clips and lint from her lint trap said wearily "Oh, I don't know, you just WASH THEM."  

And SSG fell in love with her a little bit in that moment.

The Fourth

The reason I don't really watch Martha has less to do with her bee-yotchy personality and more to do with how she SPEAKS.  It's the same reason I can't watch Ellie Krieger on the Food Network.  She's a nice enough lady, but GAH!  Word choice and cadence and pitch and al;lashfgaoiwrfhoawiefasdaaaa!!!!!!!!!  SSG just wants to tear her own nails off just thinking about it.  I mean "GOOD THINGS?!"  What kind of LAME description is that M-Babe?  And Ellie if I hear you say "gooey deliciousness" one. More. TIME.  I'm going to waltz right through my television screen and shove your pastries made with whole wheat pastry flour that NO ONE CAN EVER FIND down your throat.

The Fifth

YES, SSG is just fine.  Why do you ask?  

The Sixth

Yesterday was my first day back at work after over a week off.  I was at lunch with the boys and a new guy that just started.  I was trying to be on my best behavior but MIGHT have slipped and asked one of the guys if he put out during a "Man Date" when two of our lunch crew found themselves eating alone together last week.  

But THEN, when we were talking about the pros and cons of beef jerky, one of the guys had to go and say he had "beaver jerky."   And SSG.  Just.  About.  Lost.  It.  And try as she did to not look at her work BFF, she could see him STARING at her.  And then the two of them started laughing so hard they both were crying.  And the guy DIDN'T GET IT!  So he kept repeating himself.  "What's so funny about beaver?  I don't get it.  Beaver jerky?  Someone caught a beaver in a trap and what are you supposed to do with it but eat it?  What?!  Oh my god!  Why are you guys freaking out so bad?!"

The Seventh

Ohmahgah.  SSG can't type anymore because she is clutching her stomach.

The Eighth

No need to call the authorities.  SSG is fine.

The Ninth

Seriously.  She's sure the Lean Cuisine Lemon "Chicken" dinner was penance enough.

The Tenth.


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I'm a Wha?

Growing up it was just my sister and me.  Winner (totally her real name) and I are four years apart.  We don't have any first cousins and therefore any interaction with boys came through friends, neighbors and eventually boyfriends.

Winner met my brother in law, Smarty (he is SUPER smart ... and also kind of smart assy, so he fits right in), at the office.  One of the guys in Smarty's group was crushing on a girl in my sister's group and so a bunch of them got together for lunch one day to help facilitate the match.  But instead, my sister came home from work that night telling me all about the cute boy SHE met at work that day.

SSG:  Awesome!  Did you talk to him?
Winner:  Not really, but I did make him get me a Diet Coke.
SSG:  I'm sure he loved EVERY SINGLE second of it!

The intended couple to be matched didn't stick, but Winner and Smarty did!  And now SSG has TWO brothers because Smarty has a brother that's two days younger than SSG.  And in the words of Smarty's brother who was very excited to be gaining two sisters, "now that's two more presents I get at Christmas and on my birthday!"  (Side note to Smarty's brother ... your birthday and Christmas presents from the last 6 years are totally in the mail.) 

So Smarty sat me down to take a personality test last week when I was in California.  And I don't know if a couple of glasses of wine effects the outcome, but SSG is an "INFJ."  Which, ahem, is the RAREST personality type (Should I be proud?  Afraid?  Ask for a raise?  Reconsider my application with the FBI?).  The personality test says that supposedly SSG is geared toward writing, which hello publishers?  Jung or Freud or whoever thinks I've got mad writing skillz, yo.  Where should I send a copy of mah manuscript?

I'm pretty sure these tests are right on the money because my sister's said that she is the keeper and celebrator of all things birthday and holiday.  And considering I get a card on Flag Day and Groundhog Day, well you do the math.

What personality type are you?

(Wine recommended but not required.)

Wikipedia has a good description of each of the personality types, so definitely come back and share!  And if you're a fellow IMFJ can I get a wha wha?!  I'm pretty sure that means we're geniuses ... modest geniuses ... but still TOTALLY geniuses. 

Monday, February 16, 2009

Shots From a Family Vacay

Hey Everyone!

I have the day off from work today (Happy Prezzies Day!) and am nursing a little cold ... and a little homesick heart.  But here are some shots from my week in California.  I've been enjoying getting caught up on your weeks too!

As if we needed any more proof that Predo is the bestest friend a girl could have.  This is the sweetie at 6 a.m.

One of my favorite spots to be in the world ...

Even boys and dogs can wear tiaras ...

Never too early to jump start a love of cooking ... and magazines.

Story time at Barnes & Noble.

Rainy day in L.A.

Why didn't SSG have a quarter?!?!?!

This might as well be SSG's heart.

Running on fumes at bedtime.


Cupcake Face.


SSG can now recite this entire book from memory.

SSG's first two nephews.

Coming home was TOUGH.  But it was made easier by ALL THE LOVE that awaited SSG unexpectedly!  Predo not only picked her up, but also brought her a Valentines Day prezzie.  She ran into Predo's sweet friends at their house and got a Valentine from this sweetie pie right here.  And as she was driving up the hill to her house, she saw her neighbor walking her dog AND sweet Fisher who jumped into the car after 0.2 seconds and covered SSG with kisses.  The day ended with another neighbor bringing by Valentines Day cupcakes.

SSG is one serendipitous girl indeed!


Friday, February 13, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day Eve ... Day

Today is the last day of my vacation (tear).  I head back to Portland tomorrow and am SO SAD to say goodbye to these little munchkins (and SSG's sister & brother in law!).

But I am looking forward to heading home and checking on my own little furry munchkins.  Tomorrow is also Valentines Day!  SSG LOVES Valentines Day ... which is odd because as a single person I think I'm technically supposed to hate it.

But it's so sweet and cute and full of notes and candies and all kinds of other Martha Stewart-y stuff!

I'm trying to think of how I can celebrate it tomorrow.  Something more than, you know, doing laundry and walking Fisher right before settling in to catch up on what's on my DVR.

I'll probably HAVE to throw some sweets in there of some kind ... Chewy Sprees perhaps?  SSG hasn't had them all week ...

How are YOU spending your Valentines Day?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Give Me Some Sugar

SSG figures the surefire way into little munchkins hearts is with sugar.  The reason SSG knows this is because the surefire way into HER heart is with sugar and since she occasionally has the mentality of a four year old ... you know, 2+2 and all that.

So SSG and her niece made some cupcakes last night.  We banned mommy from the kitchen  because aunties don't really care about messes and chocolate on countertops or ceilings ... or white shirts (sorry Winner!).  We dumped and cracked, stirred and measured, lined and poured then popped the cupcakes in the oven.  

After we shook the sprinkles around like maracas, we joined SSG's nephew on the couch to watch an episode of Curious George while the cupcakes did their thang in the oven.

And right after we sat down, SSG's niece threw her arms around SSG and her nephew and said "I LOVE YOU GUYS!"

And SSG's heart melted just like that chocolate in the batter.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

In the Kitchen


It's apparent that SSG can't write when there are two little munchkins having so much fun around her.  There are books to read!  And cartoons to watch!  And snacks and naps to be had!  And parks to play at!

Over the next few days I'll be revisiting some of my favorite posts.  My sister has been making amazing dinners every night.  We like to exchange recipes and talk over what we'd like to make and have you seen this or tried this and ohmahgah you have to make this!  

It started me thinking back over how my love of cooking and food developed.  And Bette definitely helped.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Where the Piggy Bank Lives

Niece:  I want to go to Panda Express!

SSG:  We're going to go home and eat lunch.
Niece:  But I want Panda!
SSG:  Panda Express costs money, we already bought groceries.
Niece:  I have money!
SSG:  You do?
Niece:  Yes!
SSG:  And you'd treat us to lunch with it?  That's so nice of you!
Niece:  Yes!
SSG:  Where is this money?
Niece:  In my mom's wallet in her purse!

Monday, February 9, 2009

It's Monday ... For Most of You

But for SSG it's VACATION!

I am currently blogging (almost live) from Southern California.  Where in just a few short hours, I will be going to .... wait for it ...


SSG lives on the edge like crazy, yo.  

I came down to my sister's place on Saturday morning (special shout out to Predo for driving me to the airport at the ass crack of dawn!) and after flying into the cutest little airport I've ever seen in mah life ... Burbank ... okay wait, Santa Barbara's was the cutest but Burbank definitely ranks #2. 

I got picked up by my sister, brother in law, my almost 4 year old niece and 2 year old nephew.  My niece remembered me but my nephew looked at me, slightly suspect, with a furrowed brow like "um, who is this smiley, pale woman who thinks she's going to sit next to me?"  Once I complimented him on his froggy rain boots however, we were BFF's again.  Just like we were the first six months of his life when anytime I visited he was permanently attached to me in a Baby Bjorn and I told him every hour on the hour that even when he was 23 I'd still be carrying him around like that.

Wait, where was I again?

Oh yeah.

We were off to Santa Monica to meet up with one of my college roommates, the super hot dodge ball playing, Spleendawg.  After some lunch, a walk on the beach and Pinkberry yogurt SSG decided she will be moving to Santa Monica.  And will drive around in a cherry red convertible VW Bug with a cream colored top.  And meet and marry Michael Vartan.  So um, yes SSG has some work to do.

I haven't seen my niece and nephew for almost a year, which is WAY TOO LONG.  My niece has actual conversations now.  Which Spleen and I found out when she overheard us talking about Spleen's boyfriend.  "I have a boyfriend!"  She said.  "His name is Mikey!  He goes to my school and we play and eat lunch and hold hands and read books!"  Spleen and SSG stared at her open mouthed.

And then it was decided immediately.  Over the next week SSG's niece has agreed to become SSG's relationship guru.

In exchange, SSG has begun to teach her about comedic timing. 

After starting off with a few knock knock jokes, we eased into some riddles.  For example:
Where does an elephant keep his spare tire?
In his TRUNK!  

SSG is HUGE amongst the pre-K crowd.

"Wait!  I have a joke!"  SSG's niece yelled.
SSG: What?!  You're writing your own material now?!
Niece:  YES!
SSG:  Okay, let's hear it!
Niece:  Ummm ... where does a CHEETAH keep it's babies?
SSG:  Where?!
Niece:  In a TREE!

Next lesson?  The Fine Art of Punch Lines.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Starbucks Crushes

So you've all heard me mention that I have a crush on a guy I've seen ONCE in Starbucks.  Friday was the day we were all looking for him again.  But, unfortunately no such luck.  As I told Work BFF, he will remain a fond memory.  And then I promptly got distracted by some gorgeous tulips at the florist.  (Because, whee!  Spring!)

The boys however, did see THEIR Starbucks crush on Friday.  She's a super cute girl that they've all got a thing for ... and coincidentally, just the type of girl that intimidates SSG.  Kind of like SSG's hairdresser.  

They're wee pixies of little things and wear their hair in funky styles with layers of ripped clothes and long sleeve shirts under short sleeve shirts with checkerboard Vans and big rings.  You know they spend their weekends checking out local bands and probably have multiple tattoos.  But they also have angelic faces and a cool, relaxed style that SSG envies.   

If SSG tried any of that it would look like Tina Fey got into Avril Lavigne's closet.  (But for the record SSG REALLY wants a pair of checkerboard slip on Vans ... and she does dig on local bands.)

Most days the boys just kind of ogle Starbucks Girl and try and look to see if she's wearing a ring.  But Friday?  They made contact.

Work BFF:  Dude, I totally talked to her.
Work Guys:  WHAT?!  You DID?  What did you say?
BFF:  She was in the way of the sugar, so I said 'excuse me.'
SSG:  She SO wants you.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

And She's Off!

Sunglasses?  Check.
Flip flops?  Check.
Current weather in L.A?  Rain.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Oh Yes, About That

I leave for Los Angeles on Saturday morning ... and I just realized I have no idea how I'm getting to the airport or what time my flight leaves.

And therein lies the problem.

Usually I have a minor meltdown a day or two before any trip I take.  For some reason I feel, always at that PRECISE moment, that I MUST rearrange furniture, clean the inside of light fixtures and get the stuff out of my car's trunk that has been there for MONTHS, but! I. Must. Clean. It. Out. NOW. 

I'm not a nervous flyer or anything.  I LOVE to travel.  Everything about it--including being at the airport feeling tres sassy wheeling my well packed bag behind me with a new magazine tucked under my arm and a warm vanilla latte in hand.  For whatever reason, I just become this nervous bundle of anxious energy any time I leave my house for an extended period of time.  

I keep waiting for this meltdown, but surprisingly I haven't had it yet.  (SSG fully realizes there is still tonight where it could potentially be unleashed.  Does anyone have any silver they need polished?)

And while it's AWESOME to not have these feelings of teh crazies, I think it's because I've just decided to go ahead and FORGET everything instead.

The Bobs invited me up to Seattle in a few weeks to go to a Home & Garden show.  I was super excited and asked a friend of mine if she'd mind housesitting for me while I was gone.  

SSG's Friend:  Let me check my calendar.  I feel like I have something that weekend.
SSG:  Okay! 
Friend:  Um, I'm supposed to be going to a basketball game Saturday night.
SSG:  Oh no worries!
Friend:  With YOU. 
SSG:  OH!  YEAH!  Ohmahgah we're going to have SO much fun!

I bought my niece and nephew some things in Paris.  Four months ago.  I have NO idea where they are.

My sister asked me to bring her ONE thing from Portland.  But I couldn't tell you what that ONE THING WAS.

SSG THINKS she might write a blog or something?  

And oh yes, has she told you she's going to post while she's on vacation?  Because for some reason SSG thinks a single girl who lives alone and typically enjoys lots of cocktails and snarky conversation is going to have MUCH to write about during a week of staying in a house with a 3 year old, a 1 year old, 2 dogs and my sister and brother in law?  (Luckily SSG's sister said she's stocking the house with lots of wine and vodka.)

No?  She hasn't told you that?  Sorry about that.  Well, she just forgot ... but she's not currently scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush.  So there is that ...

So stay tuned for SSG's Adventures in Babysitting!  It will be super fun!

Now let's see.  I know there is something else I'm forgetting ...

Umz, I tink u 4getz teh cookeez 4 teh FiSHeR maybeez?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Down the Rabbit Hole

Yesterday was weird.   I noticed it around the bloggy world too.  Did the moon set in the 27th pond over a rising cow's house or something?

By the time I got home I just shook my head, put on my jammies and crawled onto the couch to watch The Bachelor ... because THAT show constituted normalcy.

My Wingman

SSG:  Dude, Hot Starbucks Guy isn't here AGAIN.
Work BFF:  Is THAT why you've been doing your hair all week?
SSG:  NO!  
Work BFF:  (Raises an eyebrow.)
SSG:  Yes, GAH!
Work BFF:  Okay, what day did we see him?
SSG:  Friday.
Work BFF:  So we'll look for him on Friday.
SSG:  Like a stakeout?
Work BFF:  Yeah, we'll come down at 7 a.m. 
SSG:  (Ignores him.)  And THEN when we see him pretend I said the FUNNIEST thing you've ever heard.
BFF:  (Laughs and shakes his head ... probably thinking THANK GOD I'm married to a normal woman.)
SSG:  And THEN say really loudly "I can't BELIEVE you're SINGLE?  You're AWESOME!  Any guy would be SO LUCKY to go out with you!" 
BFF:  Dude, and then what would you do if let's say ... he looked at you?
SSG:  (Stares blankly.)
BFF:  Exactly.
SSG:  It's like you KNOW me or something.

Dinner Party News

SSG has settled on a menu.  And one of the guests, in an interesting turn of events, is going to be none other than ... Quiet Guy.  Who actually asked if he could come and then said he's looking forward to it.  This party will be taking place on Saturday, April 4th ... and SSG is hoping between now and then she is able to pick up her jaw off the floor.


Um, when has SSG EVER written about cars?  

("Never" would be the correct answer.)

When SSG was younger, she used to only like guys that drove stick shifts.  And maybe even broke up with a guy once because it annoyed her that he sat so close to the steering wheel.  Okay and MAYBE also because he bounced when he walked.  And that's not code for him being gay, because if he was gay he would have become SSG's BFF and she would have grabbed his bouncy ass like she does Predo's.

Where was I again?

Oh yeah!  Vinyl Village put up a post on cars today.  And it got me thinking about my first car.  Lovingly known as "The Serx."  

It was a super cute 1986 Red Honda CRX just like this one.  SSG bought it on her 18th birthday, in 1992 and didn't get rid of it until she drove, sobbing up a San Diego freeway to pick up her new car in 2002.

SSG gets attached to things. 


There Are Cool Moms Out There!

Actually, I know there are A LOT of cool moms out there--SSG is looking at you AWESOME READERS.  And you dads too!  But today a post over at Simmer Till Done made SSG smile and hope that if she ever has a serendipitous daughter, that their relationship looks a lot like this one.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Further Evidence Why SSG Should Not Be a Journalist

So it appears that when I wrote about Digs and Spleen the other day, I had a few o' my facts wrong.   A little snippet from Spleen's e-mail yesterday:

"BTW Sters, I play DODGEBALL, so much cooler than kickball! And we're the sex TIGERS, so much more ferociously sexy than the wimpy little KITTENS."

For the record, Spleen is blonde, 5'10, a runner and a surfer and we always have a good time holding her tan legs up to my pasty white ones.  But when she said dodgeball?  All I could think of was this ...

Spleendawg, I hope your team has a dance like this one ... if not, I'm sure Digs and I can help you guys choreograph one in April.  Predo will you be available to fly in as a consultant?

PLEASE for all of the love that is holy, tell SSG you wear sweatbands and headbands?  She SWEARS she won't (read: SO will) make fun of you!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

My Not So Lush Life

Living in Portland, which is essentially a bucket of water disguised as a city, you'd think the LAST thing a girl would have a problem with is dry skin.  But between the heater at home, on the train and in the office sucking out any drop of moisture in a 5 mile radius, this SSG always feels PARCHED around this time of year.

Before ... when I had a job that paid me 40% more than my current job, I'd trot off to Lush for some lotion that I probably read about in US Weekly or In Style Magazine.  It cost $20 and came in a little container that looked like a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.  And. It. Was. Awesome.  If I could remember the name of it, I'd totally tell you but I think I blocked it from my memory ... along with the fact that I used to make A LOT more money than I do now.

(Excuse me while I go cry into a piece of one ply toilet paper ... torn in half.)

So I had heard about this lady, Paula Begoun before.  She wrote a book called Don't Go to the Cosmetics Counter Without Me that I used to thumb through at Barnes and Noble before they put it in an SSG Proof plastic wrapper the likes of which I don't even think they use on Hustler.

Anyhoo ... edition # 708(ish) of the book is out and Ms. Begoun was doing a book tour.  I happened to catch her on an interview where she was talking about drugstore products she likes for dry skin.  I THINK she may have been a dermatologist or whatever, so she knows chemistry and ingredients and blah, blah, blah (SSG should really think about becoming a journalist or something).

She said that if you buy these two products:

Then your skin would be like totally teh AWESOME.  

I've been using this combo for the past couple months and I've got to say at just under $10 for both, they last me three times as long and cost half as much as the Lush stuff.  And I no longer have a case of the itchies.

Tell SSG, how do YOU combat the itchies?  (And if it requires antibiotics, SSG is going to ask you to go ahead and keep that to yourself.)

For product reviews on more cheapies you can find at the drugstore, hop on over to Paula's site here.

Next up!  SSG searches for someone to tell her how to get her old job's salary but with her current job's stress level.  She's pretty sure she'll find them right next to the person who will hand her the winning Powerball numbers.  And then both peeps will pour her a lemon drop, offer up a foot massage and hand her keys to a brand new BMW.  Stay tuned!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Digs & Spleen

Last week my college roommates, Digs & Spleen (TOTALLY their real names) and I were e-mailing about our annual "Ladieth Reunion."  I'm sure at some point it was pronounced "ladies" but somewhere along our cocktail filled evenings and a few too many cheesy guys in bars, it has morphed into "haaaay ladieTH, haaay!"

Spleen lives in San Diego, Digs lives in San Francisco and I live in Portland.  So where we used to come out of our respective rooms at our little house on 63rd Street and pile on the couch to recount the details of the previous evening, now two of us fly to the other and we pile on the couch and recount the details of the previous few months.

Sometimes I'll be at work when I get their e-mails, or phone calls (occasionally from both of them together--BEST CONFERENCE CALLS EVER) and I have to CONTROL the hysterical laughter and shorthand that make up our conversations.  We call it the "WV" (code for 'work voice' which can also morph into "BV" if Digs is riding on BART) and it SUCKS ... and usually makes everything that much funnier because you can't laugh or discuss old times.  

Like the time I spent the wee morning hours in a Las Vegas hotel pool with a random guy named ... Jim?  Yes.  It was definitely Jim.  Maybe.  After wrapping my hair in a pool towel at 8 a.m. when the sun started coming up and the hotel workers started making an appearance, Jim and I ran, laughing through the lobby leaving little wet foot prints in our wake before we serendipitously bumped into Spleen with HER respective date for the evening.  

After a brief, and surprisingly not awkward (it was Vegas!), introduction, the four of us decided to keep the party going and proceeded together ... on essentially what was a walk of shame double date ... to the breakfast buffet where we ended up seeing the rest of Spleen & my crowd and joining them all for pancakes.  And YES, I was STILL in my towel turban with the guy who's name may or may not have been Jim.  Can we say classy?!  Mmm hmm, I think we CAN!  Don't judge.  Spleen had a HUGE hickey on her neck!  Which I think I kindly pointed out by yelling across the table "Dude, what happened to you?!  Did you fall down and land on your NECK?"

You know, stories like THAT. 

So this past Friday we decided we'll be heading to San Francisco in April for a reunion at Casa de Digs.  And after working out all of the details through a few e-mails everyone signed off for the weekend.

  • SSG was heading out for lemon drops.
  • Digs was off to a cabin in Lake Tahoe.
  • And Spleen was playing in the kickball finals with her co-ed kickball team, appropriately called the "Sex Kittens."  The GUYS wear pink cat ears.

And THAT is why I love those ladieth.  We've known each other for over 15 years and despite having lived in different cities for the last 10, we still miss being a part of each others daily lives.  We can tell the difference between our "grown up" voices and our REAL voices--those that send us screaming into fits of laughter from the stories of our past AND present.

In the words of Spleen ... "can't wait to see you sexy beeee-yooootches!"  Here's to all of the stories that still lie ahead ... like combining our social security checks to hire a cute pool boy for the nursing home.

Love you MORE!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Things I Forgot to Tell You

Good Morning All!

SSG is dog sitting this weekend.  For those of you who have read for a while, I'm watching my neighbors' dog.  Yes, this dog.  The one that wakes me up before the crack of dawn.  Which is why I'm WRITING at 5:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning and not ... oh I don't know ... SLEEPING at 5:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning!  Because OHMAHGAH the WHINING.  I don't know what it is this morning.  Timmy might be stuck in a well or the dog has found a cure for cancer.  It's anyone's guess.  

So!  Here is a smattering o' stuff for you this morning because um ... sentences?  They aren't forming?  Complete thoughts?  Into?  Wait what?

Saturday Dinner Party

Last night I had a friend over for dinner.  I had been up since 4 a.m. (see above for explanation why) and had been running around all day.  Usually I'd cook something, but instead I got a frozen thin crust pizza from California Pizza Kitchen, a caesar salad in a bag and had her bring the dessert.  I set the table really nicely, put on some music and poured us some wine.  As I took the pizza out of the oven, dumped the salad in a bowl and put it all on the table I apologized to her for not actually, you know, COOKING us something.  "No worries, this is the nicest meal I've had in a while!"  Which begs the question ...

Do I REALLY Then Need to Cook a 7 Course Meal?

There are six of us at work who like to think we're foodies (we're totally NOT, I just think we all like food.  And also to drink).  I had mentioned to one of them that on some New Years Eve (like years down the road when I'm a grown up), I'd like to put together a wine paired, seven course meal.  

The idea stemmed from some friends and I going to a chef's choice, wine paired multi course dinner at Mlle Fleurs in San Diego a few years ago and it is perhaps my all time favorite dining experience EVER (also the most expensive).  Because we had such a great night of food and conversation, one of the guys that was at that San Diego dinner invited me over to his boss's house for a similar dinner MADE BY THE BOSS'S WIFE.  That too was an AMAZING dinner.  So the idea has been floating around SSG's mind for the last couple of years, especially since the boss's wife was able to swing doing something like that on her own with recipes from Gourmet & Bon Appetite Magazines and not some super secret culinary school/restaurant recipes.

Long story short (Too late!  Name that movie.)  The friend I mentioned it to at work, brought it up amongst the work posse and the thing snowballed.  We quickly got it under control with deciding it would only be the six of us attending (no one could bring friends or chicks they were trying to impress), they have to bring the wine and SSG has control of the menu.  We're also probably not going to do this until late March or early April ... so SSG has MONTHS to freak out instead of a week.  

There will be an appetizer, soup course, fish course, meat course, salad, cheese plate and dessert.  I think I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to make, it's just going to take some strategy to figure out how it's all going to go down.  I AM actually really looking forward to it.  And if the whole thing goes completely sideways, AT LEAST everyone will be too drunk to know any better.

Speaking of Food

My friend brought over a vegan chocolate mousse cake from Whole Foods for dessert last night.  My first thought was VEGAN?  SSG is not a VEGAN (see above for evidence) where's the real stuff?!  And then I got it.

SSG:  "Ah, now I get why vegans are into this racket.  Apparently there is a food called 'suck a nut'."
Friend of SSG: "There is NO WAY that is on that label."
SSG:  It says it RIGHT HERE!"
Friend:  Where?
SSG:  See S-U-C-A-N-U-T.  How would YOU pronounce it?  And don't say it with like Soo-can-oo or something.  There is CLEARLY no other pronunciation.
Friend:  (Looks at it for a second) Well ... chocolate is a replacement, right?  Why shouldn't vegans have theirs too?

(Edited to Add: Sucanut is actually an unrefined cane sugar.  Thanks vegans!  And the cake was actually REALLY good.)

Neighbor Formerly Known As Cute Neighbor (NFKACN)

I haven't seen or heard a peep out of NFKACN's house since the whole Cops episode he brought to the neighborhood a few weeks ago.   The girl roommate moved out (smart girl) and I was hoping he did too, but it doesn't look like it.   I was outside with the dogs yesterday and turned around to walk them up the street when I saw NFKACN move away from the window.

It kind of freaked me out for a second.  Like ... WAS HE JUST WATCHING ME FROM HIS WINDOW?!  THE NERVE!  FREAKER!

And then I thought of ME hunched on the floor of my room peeping through my blinds and watching HIM get hauled out of his house in his underwear by the cops ... and then um, promptly sharing it with the world on my blog and figured now we're probably even. 

Speaking of Starey Guys

SSG waited TWO or THREE MONTHS to tell you about Starey Guy.  And ever since she told you?  SHE HAS NOT SEEN HIM SINCE!  Seriously!  


So she is definitely NOT going to tell you about the SUPER HOT guy she saw in Starbucks Friday.  The one that made her stomach do a little flip over and stop listening to her work BFF for a few seconds because she got so distracted.

Work BFF:  Dude, are you even listening to me?
SSG:  Yeah, sorry.  Got distracted by Mr. SupAH Hot over there.
BFF:  Yeah, that guy is IN SHAPE!
SSG:  How do you even know who I'm talking about?!
BFF:  I saw him.
SSG:  He's standing behind you ... wait, can you move an inch to your right?  You just blocked my view.
BFF:  (Rolls his eyes and moves to the right.)  I saw him when we walked in.  He's a good looking guy.
SSG:  I LOVE that we can have these conversations.  Okay, wait move a little to your left you blocked my view again.

No, SSG is DEFINITELY not going to tell you about that guy.