Sunday, November 30, 2008

Weekend ABC's - B is for Bobs & Bestsellers

(Alternate Title:  B is for Bloated Blogger)

Is it Sunday night already?  (Please lie to me.)


It isn't?  

Perfect! I'll go down and lounge on my couch with a glass of wine instead of doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming and going to the grocery store.  All of which sound like ... well, torture.  

I was telling the guys at work the other day that I LOVE being an adult.  I like having my own house and setting my own bed time.  And the money is cool because I can do or buy what I want.  But to all the other stuff (to which I flung my hands around to emphasize my point) it can just go away.

So the Bobs were in town this weekend!  I'm sure Mrs. Bob over at My Myriad Life will post some much better photos of our time in "Camp Portland" but I just had my cell phone with me, so um ... yeah, SSG decided she NEEDS an SLR camera.  (Are you there Santa?  It's me, SSG.) 

I "worked" on Friday.  And by "worked" I mean I talked to the two other guys that were also "working."  When we weren't "working," we were listening to each others IPods and either a) making fun of each other's music choices or b) telling stories about our memories attached to each song.  

You can learn A LOT about people by their music choices.  SSG needs some more "pep" music because apparently all of her music is heavy on "chill" and "guitar-iness."   And the guy that had "Father Figure" had his dude card revoked.

And I think I may have just used up my annual "quote" ration. 

Anywho, the Bobs met me after work and we walked up to Pioneer Courthouse Square for the annual tree lighting. 

I LOVE the annual tree lighting.  But note to the organizers of this event:  The SPEECHES?  And long haired violin players?  Do not interest the crowd.  WE WANT TO SEE THE TREE LIGHT UP ALREADY.  No need for a lead in longer than 5 minutes peeps.  

The holiday 2008 extravaganza may now begin!  (SSG chooses to wait until the day AFTER Thanksgiving instead of starting to play Christmas carols right after the 4th of July.)

Mrs. Bob and I descended upon Predo and kidnapped him, forcing him to go to his first movie in a theater since 1993.  He ordered a large popcorn, not realizing that "large" in the year 2008 means a popcorn the size of Kansas.  After 3 bites, he looked at me and said "I feel like I just ate a stick of butter and swallowed a cup of salt."  To which SSG replied "here, let me help you with that."  And then proceeded to eat popcorn throughout the entire movie.

We saw Twilight, with the rest of preteen Portland.  And now we all have crushes on Edward ... like the rest of preteen Portland.

SSG then decided that a burrito from Chipotle was a good idea.  And um ... does Macy's need anymore floats this week?  Because I might be able to step in ... if for no other reason than the sheer amount of MSG in my system that is clinging to every drop of water in a six mile radius.

But enough about me, how are YOU?

Friday, November 28, 2008

All the Single Ladies

How were your Thanksgivings?!  

I had an incredible time over at Predo & Jimmy's.  And yet here I am asking myself the same question I ask myself every year around the holidays.  

Why don't I eat stuffing ALL THE TIME?  

Seriously?!  Why do we reserve this just for the holidays?  2009?  Poised to be the Year of Stuffing for SSG.  I think it's important to aim high on New Years resolutions.

Predo & Jimmy are amazing people, with a great group of friends.  As I was driving over yesterday afternoon I was thinking how fortunate I am that I get to sneak into their circle and sip copious amounts of lemon drops on the sidelines.  Usually I take my perch at the dining room table and chat with the boys while dinner is being made.  However, last night was different.  There was ANOTHER single lady in the house.  Instead of sizing each other up, we bonded instantly and took up residence on the couch.

We read princess stories.

And drew circles.

And triangles.

And a picture of her sippy cup.

And a picture of SSG's sippy cup.

And then we used our princess credit cards ... 

... to buy lip gloss.  
(You need lip gloss on to sing Beyonce's song "All the Single Ladies.")

"I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips ..."

That's when my new found friend, looked at me and said "you draw princess."

So SSG did ...

And then my friend said "you draw prince."  

Predo said the prince looked like a soup can with a head.  And that's when SSG said ... 

This princess will take her triangle, her sippy cup, her new found friend's "Sleeping Beauty Horse" and her soup can and ride off into the hills to live happily ever after ...

The End

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

Grateful for ...

Early morning walks with views of Mt. Hood covered in snow.

Coming home to a pot of fresh brewed coffee.

Snuggling on the couch and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade while talking to friends and family on the phone.

The smell of a fresh baked cranberry apple pie.

And my little kitchen helper.

I tink I yike piez?

But most of all, I am thankful for YOU.  Thank you for stopping by each day and enriching my life in more ways than you know.

Happy Thanksgiving, I'm off to Predo & Jimmy's!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Thrift Rich - Splurges Under 5 Bucks

Thursday marks the start of the holiday craziness.  While most people are cutting back spending this year (SSG included!) I am also making sure I take time for one or two of my favorite indulgences.  

These are a few of my tricks for when I need to pull back, refill that well of energy that gets tapped at this time of year and connect to the spirit of the holidays.  The excitement, the nip in the air and the warmth of home ... all on a budget ... and preferably without being heavily medicated.

Take a Walk or Drive
Pour some hot cocoa in travel mugs and get out your hats and scarves.  Christmas lights will be up soon but don't forget to take advantage of the peace and quiet that comes to the streets at this time of year.  One of my favorite holiday memories was driving slowly, up and down the avenues of Old Town Sacramento in the rain while listening to opera.  Four of us spent an hour rolling past turn of the century houses and only had our vantage point because of the bare trees.

Duck into that Coffee Shop
You know the one with its big chairs, whir of espresso machines and Frank Sinatra singing Christmas carols? While everyone else gets their java to chug down on their way to the mall, why don't you tuck into that chair that always beckons, sip your warm latte and leisurely read that book that's been sitting on your bedside table for longer than you care to admit.  Before you know it, it will just be you and old Blue Eyes.

Buy a Card
They're not just in Hallmark anymore.  Cards are EVERYWHERE if my local car wash is any indication.  When you spy one that makes you think of a favorite person, pick it up and spend some time writing an old fashioned letter.   Need some inspiration?  Start it out with the following sentence:

"Remember the time when ..."

I Tunes
Most songs are only $0.99.  If I'm in a funk, I'll download two or three that make me want to get up and shake it.  Two of my favorites?  "Return of the Mack" and "I Like Big Butts."  SSG can not lie!  When in doubt, go with old school hip hop ... or disco ... or Motown ... or anything else that makes you shake what yo mama gave ya.

Cheesy Chick Flicks
Dude, this works EVERY time.  It's Christmas, they abound.  When in doubt, check ABC Family, the Hallmark Channel or Lifetime.  Bonus points if any of the actresses were in 90210 or Melrose Place.  This is not the time for heavy plots or movies that make you think!  We want good old fashioned CHEESE.  Preferably of the processed variety.  

The Children's Section of Any Major Bookseller
I dare you to walk amongst The Hungry Caterpillar, Anne of Green Gables, the Little House Books or Good Night Moon and not have your blood pressure go down ... unless of course it's story hour and you're surrounded by tons of (adorable!) little monsters.  If that's the case, you have my permission to blow your budget on two Grey Goose lemon drops.  Just think of it as my Christmas present to you.

Here's to old traditions and new memories, friends and family and to making this holiday season your best yet!


P.S.  And if all of these ideas fail?  Take two glasses of wine, one long bath and call me in the morning.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Big Three TV Watchers

Every Sunday morning, Fisher, Rainy and I make the long trek from upstairs down to the couch to watch Face the Nation, Meet the Press and This Week with George Stepahso'asdfs;ous.  

Our "Roundtable Discussion" includes Fisher, three year old half cattle dog, half golden retriever.  She represents the working dogs on Main Street.

And Rainy, left on a veterinarian's doorstep at the tender age of one week is now an 11 year old who stands for change.  He represents black and white coming together for the good of the country and shows that even though you might be born with nothing, you can still climb to the highest post in America.  (Read more about that here.)

SSG:  Thank you for joining me today.
Fisher:  U R welkom, u haz cookeez, rite?
Rainy:  It is my pleasure.

SSG:  So the big three automakers in Detroit want $25 billion, should we give it to them?
Fisher:  Hau manee cookeez kan dat byez?
Rainy:  I'm not so sure, what is their plan for this money?

SSG:  Well no one is quite sure.  They didn't bring a business plan with them to Washington.
Fisher:   Dey haz no planz?  I tink dey kan bye cookeez at dah storez?
Rainy:  Shush canine, we are not talking about cookies we're talking about cars.
Fisher:  I yike 2 go 4 rydez n carz.  We goes somewherez?
Rainy:  (see above photo for look he gave me)

SSG:  Do you think they have the ability to change?
Fisher:  Yez wee kanz!!
Rainy:  I'm not so sure. First of all, they're all probably dog owners.  Second of all, didn't they take private jets to Washington?

SSG:  Yes, but I don't see why being a dog owner would have an impact on their ability to change?
Rainy:  (see above photo for look he gave me)
Fisher:  Yah Ranee, u iz dog ownerz.

SSG:  Wait, Fisher I'm your owner.
Fisher:  Das not wut Ranee tellz meez.
Rainy:  (Yawns and stretches)

SSG:  Rainy, did you tell Fisher you're her owner?  Because I believe I'm the one who buys her dog food.
Rainy:  Well I'm the one who has to stay home with her every day.
SSG:  Well can you go out and get a job?  
Rainy:  Are you saying those who stay at home with the family make less of a contribution than those who make financial contributions to the family?
SSG:  When did you get so smart?
Rainy: (see photo above for look he gave me)

Fisher:  But I kan stil haz cookeez?
Rainy:  I'm going to go rogue and talk directly to the blog people to say this:  Rainy 2012!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

What Guys Think About Thanksgiving

So yesterday at lunch (clam chowder smackdown) I asked five of the guys I work with what they were looking forward to most about Thanksgiving.

I heard crickets ... saw blank stares ... then heard more crickets.

"Is there something that's like a family favorite?" I offer as a means to get the conversation started.
"Um, turkey?" one of them offers up.
"Yeah, and stuffing I guess," another one says.

I thought about all of the people who are running around shopping this weekend and the hours that will be spent prepping this meal.  I thought about the ironing of tablecloths that get used once a year, the taper candles dug out from the back of the closet, the delicate oven dance that needs to happen to get everything on the table in time.  And THE memories!  The memories that must!  Be!  Created!

"Really?"  I asked, flabbergasted.  "Turkey and stuffing?  That's it?"  

I wondered if I had just solved the Thanksgiving stress for millions of American families.  Perhaps I solved the stress of the holidays in general!  I MUST spread this word as the SSG.  It is my duty!

But just to double check, I asked them again.

"So if you guys went to your house for Thanksgiving and had turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing you'd all be cool with that?"

"Oh no!"  They all panicked.  "That would totally suck!  You have to have EVERYTHING!"

Friday, November 21, 2008

Fab Five Friday - The Boyfriend Edition

Nothing like a little man candy to start the weekend off right.

SSG's Fab Five Boyfriends are ...

Michael Vartan
Hot, speaks french fluently, HOT and Jennifer Garner's "Handler" in Alias.
Um, J'ai besoin de "handling!"

Wentworth Miller
Princeton graduate, tattooed genius on Prison Break and um ... YUM.
Cuff me.

Jon Stewart
Hilarious, intelligent, prematurely gray.
I'm sensing a theme with guys in suits ...

Xavier Nady
Former Padre, Berkeley grad, I'd totally let him get to first base ...
And second ... and ... well I think you know where this is going.

And a classic ...

Jake Ryan from 16 Candles
Siiiiigh ... SSG used to sit on her bathroom counter when she put her make up on for high school.  And she may have once or twice said "Happy Birthday SSG, make a wish."
Say it with me folks ...

It already came true!

Let's hear it peeps, where yo boyfrens at?!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It Was 1991

Two of my besties--"Frita" over at My Myriad Life and "Predo" at Spartacus Wore a Skirt posted their high school photos last week.  Always willing to make a total ass out of myself (though usually I do it without trying), I will introduce you to mine.  

BUT!  Allow me to set the stage.

Things That Make You Go Hmm was a hit, as was Hush Hush by Paula Abdul.  And for the white trash in me, Signs by Tesla was also in the top 100 that year ...  I had just turned 17 and went to a restaurant with my family for dinner.

This is my lovely Gam ... excuse the photo quality, but it was 1991 peeps.  Please note the keyhole opening in her top, the stylish jacket thrown over her shoulders and the ever present glass of "chablis."  LOVE HER and I'm glad to hear you guys did too!  

And then there was her granddaughter.  

Who never met a bottle of Aussie Scrunch Spray she didn't like.  She also never met a pair of tweezers she DID like because look at those brows (Digs, don't you say a WORD about that picture of us in Berkeley!)  

Oh my ...

Two questions:

1)  How did I walk upright with that hair?
2)  WHAT FFFFFFFFF was I thinking?!

I feel naked now ... and totally not in a good way.

Hold me.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Thrift Rich - Small Things

I have written about my grandmother, Gam, here before.  She was an incredible source of inspiration to me--traveling to Europe for the first time in her 70's, driving the same mint condition VW Beetle for 30 years and she always made up the BEST bed when I'd come stay the night.

The woman had STYLE.  Where most grandmothers had plastic covered furniture, mine took inspiration from the cover of an Architectural Digest magazine.  She had an antique bed that had been her family for decades and made it over to look like a daybed in a New York City loft.  

She was always impeccably dressed.  Her favorite perfume was Paris by Estee Lauder.  And every night until she was in her early 90's she wore a leopard print nightgown and had a glass of chablis.

And where that last sentence could appear more "trashy Vegas" than stylish, she'd light candles, put on Vivaldi and it somehow just worked.

Gam didn't have a lot of money.  She worked in the old department store, I. Magnin for over 30 years as a sales person.   But she lived an incredibly rich life.

In her words "I never worked for my money, my money always worked for me."  She saved small amounts over a long period of time, put them conservatively in the stock market and was able to retire comfortably.

She bought expensive clothes on sale at I. Magnin with her employee discount and cared for them.  Because of the quality, she was able to keep them for YEARS.

She wasn't a huge shopper and lived in a SMALL apartment that didn't allow room for a ton of stuff.

She entertained her friends.  Not with expensive meals, but with sunset parties at the beach.  She'd grab a pizza, spread out blankets, fill paper bags with sand and light candles in the bags for light.

She always worked with what she had, was grateful for it and treated her belongings with not only respect, but love.

I was thinking of her this morning when I woke up in Portland to 30 degree temps outside and a chilly house.  I've been saving energy (and money!) where I can--not turning on the heat as much, washing my clothes in cold water instead of warm and turning off lights when I leave the room.  "What would Gam do if it was ASS cold?" I thought to myself.

(First of all, she'd never say ass.)  

I decided not to turn the heat on, but grabbed a sweatshirt out of my closet and when I did, I spied those slippers up there.  They were given to me as a gift a few years ago.  I threw them on, poured myself a cup of coffee and snuggled under a blanket on the couch with my dog.  I read a magazine with Vivaldi on in the background.  And while the slippers (and sweatshirt!) are NOWHERE near stylish enough for Gam, somehow I think she'd get it ... if for no other reason than the animal print.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Under My Skin

So the guys at work are on a mission to find the best clam chowder in Portland.  There is even talk about driving an hour and a half out to the coast ... so perhaps the search includes ALL of Oregon.  All I know is this.

They are taking it VERY seriously.

There is an Excel spreadsheet.  There is talk of a potential blog.  There are CATEGORIES that get RATED.  
  • Presentation
  • Clam to Potato Ratio
  • Thickness
  • Taste
  • Quality of Accompanying Crackers
For those of you in the Portland area, apparently Jake's Grill has the best chowder so far.  I won't tell you who has the worst.  (Hint:  See attached photo.  In the words of one of the guys:  "Can I get some Noxema for the skin on my clam chowder?")

Two of the people that I work with are convinced I should date one of the guys in our group.  My standard response to these suggestions when they arise is "what, other than the fact that we're both single, do we have in common?"

You'd be AMAZED at how much this question stumps people.  I told them to get back to me when they came up with something other than "well, you're cool and he's cool."  But ever since they've brought it up, I've been trying him on for size (in my mind!) and asking myself "could I date him?" (And NO, the guy is not Quiet Guy.)

After about a week of this, I've determined that similar to chowder, I have my own categories for guys. 

I like a guy that puts some effort into his appearance.  He doesn't have to spend an hour in the bathroom, but he needs to be relatively put together.  Clean shirts, ironed pants or even a white t-shirt with jeans and flip flops.  Just kind of casual but groomed.

Intelligence to humor ratio
Is anything hotter than a smart guy who can make you laugh?  
Um, no.

I like a guy to be a guy.  My eye always goes to the tall ones who have got some meat on their bones.  One of my friends hugged me goodbye on Saturday night and he rested his head on the top of my head.  I was like "awwww."  Often times I find myself in the elevator amongst my co-workers, the majority of which are over 6' (I'm 5'5) and I feel protected ... even though there's no need to be protected in an elevator, and they'd probably run away from any kind of conflict ... you just never know.

I'm definitely not looking for a super snob.  But I like a guy to have some taste.  I love a good burger like anyone, but I also like to go out for Indian food, sushi, Dim Sum.  I'll watch baseball all weekend, but I also want to cruise around a museum or check out a play.  If a guy was into ketchup only hamburgers and Steven Segal movies, we'd have a problem.

Quality of Accompanying Crackers
I always like a guy that has a good group of friends.  I think the people that you surround yourself with can make you better or worse and it says a lot about someone if they have friends who not only love and care about them, but can also challenge them.

So where does this leave the work guy?  I have no idea.  Chemistry is a big factor and can basically stomp out my little list up there in about .3 seconds.  And the fact that I'm on the fence about it makes me think the chemistry probably isn't there.  I also don't really think dating people you work with is the best M.O.

But a little flirting with "what if" never hurt anyone.  And isn't that the best part about being single?  You can sample anything you want, all of which leads you to eventually finding your favorite.

Excel spreadsheet not included.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Weekend ABC's - P is for Party & Posie

I always convince myself that I don't have THAT much to do before I have a party.  I mean sure, there is food buying, beverage buying, cleaning, primping, napping ... stressing, but that shouldn't take too long right? 

SSG likes to spend a lot of time making lists and schedules in hopes to alleviate the stress that comes along with juggling every day life.  There usually is lots of downtime scheduled on the schedule and listed on the list.  And if you think that does anything to alleviate stress?  You'd be WRONG.

I drove into the Trader Joe's parking lot bright and early on Saturday morning to buy beer and wine.  (And side note to Norwalk.  I'm going to go out on a limb here by saying I don't THINK furniture was actually YOUR idea.  But I'll double check Wikipedia just to be sure.)  One thing about Trader Joe's that early in the morning?  The TJ DIE HARDS are there in FULL EFFECT.  I've never seen people LINE up outside a grocery store before. 

I was outside Trader Joe's and the Birthplace of Furniture so early they hadn't even opened yet.  So I sat in my car.  And listened to NPR.  I was one wheel of brie shy of being a liberal stereotype.

So after a run to TJ's, Target, Chevron and the grocery store I got home and decided Fisher needed a bath.

And by Fisher needed a bath, I mean my bathroom cabinets, floor, ceiling, shower curtain and me all needed one too.

I yike dah wahteR.  I ware partee clozes!  U haz cookeez 4 meez?

Wade came over early to help me out and executed the above cupcakes BEAUTIFULLY.  He did that so well I made him light about 1,000 candles.

This is the only picture I had time to take before people started arriving.  Before I knew it the party was in full swing.

Everyone had a great time (including me!) and finally left at about 1:30 a.m. ... which if you know SSG is about 80 hours after her bed time.  

If I had to take an "after" picture it would be of me, laying face down on my bed, still in my party clothes and the caption would be:

Chez SSG 
The Party Idea

(SSG actually skipped out on the Posie reading in favor of coffee, an ice pack and an extend-o date with her couch ... and her fear of getting arrested for stalking.)

Friday, November 14, 2008

Trapped, Please Send Fire Department

Um Hiiiiiiii!

I don't write for a couple of days and I get all out of whack!  How are you guys?  I've got to say--I've been reading your posts and CRACKING up!


 Mandatory starting today ... SSG is going to search out the guy on the right, or the left, or the guy in the middle (But mainly the guy on the right.  Paging hot fireman.  Come in hot fireman.  Please report to me.)

While I WISH I were trapped under my boyfriend up there, I've really been trapped under my accounting book ... and the MILLIONS of files on my desk and the PRESSURE of people coming over on Saturday night.  

What is it about us chicks and entertaining?  I was trying to explain it to my work friends, but since all of them are BOYS, they DON'T.  GET.  IT.

Guys hear party and think beer, chips, big screen TV and a chance of getting laid.  I hear party and think theme, menu, mad cleaning session and what the F do I do if someone shows up early.  The only cock on my mind right now is what color cocktail napkins I should buy.


Hope you all have GREAT weekends!  And please fly to Portland so you can attend my soiree.  And if for some reason that isn't an option, please click on this right here and tell my friend "Frita" that she HAS TO COME DOWN TO PORTLAND THIS WEEKEND.

Because if the social event of the season isn't enough reason to come down, then Alicia Paulson for DAMN sure is.  Do you guys read Posie Gets Cozy?  If not, you SHOULD ... she is AWESOME.  And probably wouldn't use the word damn ... or cock.  In fact I don't think she'd like this blog AT ALL.  But I LOVE her.  She'll be reading at a local bookstore on Sunday night and SSG is ON it.  I will report back ... hopefully with photos ... if they don't kick me out since I do have a history of being slightly stalkerish at these things ... read more about that here.

So the Cliff's Notes version of this blog entry would be ...

Love you.
Inappropriate American hero pictorial.
Cock ... tail napkins.

Someone please light a candle and say a prayer for SSG.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A Note to SSG's Next Boyfriend

A major topic of discussion at our very long lunch yesterday, was what SSG looks for in a guy.   This list has made a substantial metamorphosis over my dating life.  And the best way I can sum up my answer to this question is this ... and it was shamelessly stolen from the show Samantha Who? 

Isn't that what you want?  A guy who sees you for who you are?

No.  I know who I am.  I need someone who thinks that I'm better than what I know that I am.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


A few of us are going into work today, despite my office being closed for Veteran's Day.  This is totally not our way of standing out as employees but because we wanted to take a different day off.

But we DO support the Veterans!  And I'm sure I can speak for all of us when I say we had a TON of fun on the day we took off in your honor ... and that we'll probably have some fun today too.

SSG:  Hey, do you guys know if we need our badges to access the building tomorrow?
Co-Worker #1:  Probably.
SSG:  Um, mine is tucked away very very safely somewhere, will you let me in.
CW #1:  Yeah.
SSG:  Lemme get yo digits so I can give you a shout out when I get here.
CW #1:  Dude, how long have you been waiting to ask me for my phone number?
SSG:  What?
CW #1:  You've been wanting 'my digits' since the day we met.
SSG:  Oh shoot (looking at her cell phone).
CW #1:  What?
SSG:  I can't get you in my phone book.
CW #1:  (Concerned) How come?
SSG:  It looks like "ASS" is already taken.  

Monday, November 10, 2008

Weekend ABC's - B is for Bucket List, Brownies & Breaking the Law

If a Chevy Suburban is in front of you at a stoplight and they turn left and if you maybe didn't check the light but assumed you had the green does that mean you don't get a ticket if you run a red light?

You can TOTALLY blame it on the Chevy Suburban right?

Ok GOOD.  

I was on my way home from Wade & Jimmy's Saturday night and stopped at the aforementioned stop light thinking of what was on my "bucket list."  We had just watched The Bucket List after the most DELICIOUS dinner and it got me pondering about my life and its meaning and all kinds of other deep questions Morgan Freeman stirs within me (Hello?  Shawshank Redemption?  One of the BEST MOVIES EVER.)

So the Chevy Suburban started to turn left and I followed, assuming the light was green.  And I'm PRETTY sure it was green but all of a sudden these lights started flashing.  I panicked, looking all over the place wondering if there was an ambulance or police officer coming through the intersection and just as I look over my right shoulder a paparazzi size flash goes off right in my face.


If anyone Googles "SSG Traffic Camera" I'm sure there will be a picture of me with a wide eyed, mouth open, surprised look on my face.  Kind of like when Charlie Gibson asked Sarah Palin about The Bush Doctrine.  

So I'm counting on the fact that a Suburban was following the law ... or that its ass was big enough to cover my license plate number.

The End

Oh yes, and BROWNIES were made with my little sister (through Big Brothers & Big Sisters) so never fear.  If the Suburban's ass wasn't big enough, SSG is workin' on hers.

Saturday, November 8, 2008


A week from tonight there will be a soiree at Chez SSG.  I am v.v. excited.  Mainly because I can get super drunk and not have to worry about driving anywhere.  And OH YEAH, I'll have lots of fun peeps over.  

(But I'm mainly really excited about the vast quantities of alcohol.)

SO!  I also invited some of the work friends.  I debated long and hard over whether Quiet Guy should get an invite or not and decided he probably should.  Mainly because we kind of run in the same work circle ... and by run I mean we go to lunch together occasionally and I worried it would be weird if I didn't invite him.  Not as weird as say, him watching me until I happen to notice him, but weird in a normal person kind of way.

Anywho!  This was our e-mail exchange yesterday:

SSG sends e-mail reminder to everyone about soiree on the 15th and includes address & phone number.

Quiet Guy:  I've got a football game that night, so I'm sorry I won't be able to make it.  Sounds like a good time though.

SSG:  Thanks for the heads up.  I wondered if you'd walk in, take a look around and then leave without saying anything.

Quiet Guy:  Touche!  But that'd just be weird and I'd never do anything like that.

(SSG mouths WTF?!? and shakes her fist at the other side of the cubicle.)

Friday, November 7, 2008

Fab Five Friday - The Retro Edition!

I hate CBS.  They cancelled my new favorite show this season--The Ex List--after FOUR episodes.  WHAT are they trying to do to me? 

Obviously kill me, that's what.

I was talking about it to my sister last night and it got me wondering what would have happened if they had cancelled my favorite shows growing up.

My life wouldn't have been the same without Vanessa's Halloween party when Robert becomes her boyfriend ... an episode I could (and did!) recite by memory.

Canceling us?  Whatchoo talkin' about Willis?

Where would I have learned about bartenders and the lemon drops they bring forth?

And if it weren't for "Pa," I'd never know that Half Pint wasn't just a small glass of Guinness.

And WHERE would I have learned what's appropriate for "Casual Fridays" at the office?

Now WHERE are my red boots and gold headband?

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Life on the Cube Farm

Most of the time I don't mind working in a cubicle.  The walls are about six feet tall and since we're usually(ish) being serious and working, the privacy is welcome.  Although, lately my cube HAS been peppered with very scary pictures of Henry Paulson due to my two week rant about how much I distrust him (lesson to self:  do not ever admit disliking someone because your coworkers will have a FIELD DAY.  And note to major news magazines, PLEASE stop putting this guy on your covers.)  But!  There are days where the fact that it is SO QUIET can be SO annoying.  Any squeak of the chair or innocent phone conversation gets turned into major fodder.

And so it was when the IT department paid us a visit.

SSG is NOT technically savvy.  In fact she walked into a Mac store once and said "I want a computer that works.  I don't care how it works, I just want one that works.  I want to plug it in the wall and have it WORK.  Okay?  Here is my credit card, make it happen."  So SSG does not mix well with people who work with computers for a living.  Hence the reason a couple of dates with an Intel engineer did NOT turn into anymore dates with an Intel engineer ... because processors and manufacturing and world domination blah, blah, blah (SSG's head explodes). 

Where was I again?

Oh YEAH.  So our office was crawling with guys from IT who had to go around and update some blah, blah, blah, server, blah, blah, blah, hard drive, blah, blah, blah more stuff I'm not interested in.  So I figured it'd take them a while and decided to go get some coffee.  Only I went to a coffee place that is a five minute walk away, that usually has a line and that also has fun magazines to peruse.  So when I came back after about a half hour and walked in the door, five IT guys yelled "HERE SHE IS!"  

I saw all the jerks that I work with pop up over the cube walls.  WHY DO THEY HAVE TO ALL BE SO TALL?  

Apparently I had locked my computer and saving blah, blah, blah couldn't get into it blah, blah, blah.  Long story short, I had sent the IT guys into a TIZZY.  And I sent my co-workers into a quiet, lip biting to keep themselves from laughing FRENZY.  Because really?  Stressed out IT guys--pretty fucking funny.

So I went to unlock my computer for those guys who obviously are NO GOOD if they can't unlock it themselves, right?  Isn't that their job or something?  Aren't they supposed to be legal hackers or whatever?   Anyyyywhoooo in order to make sure I didn't run away again, ALL of the IT guys came into my cube.  I had a wall of geek around me so thick that it would have been fun (I'm into geeks--hello?  Engineer from Intel!) if the rest of the office hadn't been SO quiet.   

All ears (and geek eyes) were on me.

"So did you guys need me to McGyver my way into the hard drive with a paper clip and a staple or do you have it from here?"  I asked the squad.

"No, we did everything, we're just waiting." Their leader answered, which caused the other four to nod their heads.

"Sweet, you don't need me anymore then, right?"  I looked for an excuse to get away.

"This will only take a second."  More nodding.

Ten geek squad eyes fixed on me sitting in my chair and ohhhhh so many more ears listening.


"I wish I had a story or somethin' for you fellas, but I got nothin."

"Is that Henry Paulson?" 


Five guys nod.  

I join them.

A hundred years later, my computer does something that makes them all happy and one by one they single file out the door.

I waited for it.  

But only heard silence.  Maybe I had underestimated my coworkers after all.

And then quietly, it began.

"We've heard of your kind."  One sticks his head over the cube wall, emulating the IT guys voice, but slightly more creepy ... and robotic.

"You look different than us."  Another voice pipes up into the mix.

"And smell nice." 

"We shall take you to our leader at once."

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yez Wee Kanz!

Realleez?  Dey haz furst puppee at dah Wite Hous?  Do u tink dey haz cookeez der 2?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The Day I (Almost) Met Barack Obama

Regardless of what happens today, this has been the most exciting time for me in my political life.  (And by political life I mean Sunday mornings when I'm on the couch sipping coffee and watching Meet the Press, Face the Nation and This Week with George Stefanopol;alksnfa.)

I don't remember a time when people were so energized, motivated, vocal and strong in their opinions.  And I LOVE it.  No matter what side of the ticket you support, this will be a time we remember forever.  

I personally hope the election goes to Obama and Biden.  I admire Senator Obama's intelligence, his demeanor and ability to surround himself with incredible leaders.  But most of all, I believe in and support his message of hope combined with hard work and personal responsibility.

I had a (Sometimes!) Serendipitous encounter with Senator Obama a few months ago and it showed me that the man has got some discipline!  You can read more about that here.

And now I must go hide under my covers until this whole thing is over.  


Monday, November 3, 2008

Birth Announcement

Good Morning and Happy Monday!

The Weekend ABC's are going to have to be postponed, because I have a major, MAJOR announcement to make!  

I'm having a BABY!

Just kidding!!!!  

Did I give you a heart attack?

I actually kind of gave myself one just by typing that sentence.

Where was I again?  Oh yeah!

Anonymous, aka Wade, aka Wah-dah-tay, aka "Predo" from the comments section of my blog (good LAWD this man has reinvented himself more than Madonna) has just given birth to his very first baby BLOG!

If you need some background on Wade, you can read about him  here and here.  But I really know you want to check out HIS BLOG!  Please go say hello and leave lots of comments for him at:

Spartacus Wore a Skirt

Congratulations Sunshine!  
Love you!

P.S. We're going to have to talk ahead of time about the stories that get shared on this new blog of yours.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Where's SSG?

She will be taking her little sister (through Big Brothers & Sisters) to see this movie today.  Right after she finds her flask.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Loose Ends

Hello All!

Hope everyone is having a fabulous Saturday!  It occurred to me as I was puttering about my house this morning that I've left a few loose ends hanging that need to be cleared up!  These are no cliffhangers, mind you, just little things cluttering up my mind.  With all those brain cells I've killed from Grey Goose Lemon Drops (and let's face it, ACCOUNTING) I figured I need to get these loose ends out of there to have room for more important things ... like counting down the days until Baseball Spring Training (100-ish days until pitchers and catchers report!)

My Summer To Do List

Remember my summer to do list?  The thing to keep me busy so I paid attention to summer more than paying attention to my then upcoming trip to France?  Where instead I paid attention to crossing things off my list instead of paying attention to summer?  Catch up on that by clicking here.  Sadly peeps, I didn't finish all of it.  The items that were left to be conquered next summer are as follows:  Buy a vintage sundress (okay!), make a shell necklace (um, no), hang wind chimes (maybe?), create a summer haven (yes please!), see how they grow (see how what grows? hopefully they're not talking about plants because grow would have to be replaced with ... die), sell your junk (um? Yo no tengo "junk.") and find Shakespeare (big SIGH.  This is the one thing I was looking forward to--next summer, next summer for sure.  Future boyfriend are you reading again? Let's go to Ashland next summer, okay?  That should give me enough time to find you.)

The Mini Burgers

The mini burgers turned out GREAT!  But of course I would tweak them and do them differently next time.  The only part of the recipe that I didn't get was pickle relish.  In BURGERS?  WTF?  It was Rachel Ray's recipe which should explain it.  Next time I'll leave that out.  But a little A-1 steak sauce, grill seasoning and paprika never hurt anyone.  You roll a pound of hamburger into 12 little balls (haha) and flatten them down on a cookie sheet, bake at 400 degrees for about 10 minutes, then top with cheese when they get out.  I served them on those little Hawaiian buns (haha again!) and they were a HIT and got gobbled up.  I had to double the recipe because ... um, guys.  They EAT.  And speaking of guys ...

Quiet Guy at the Office

I've been getting asked about this A LOT since I posted about this weirdness.  This week he called me "the boss," called my burgers "cute," asked me to help him choose a Halloween costume and I think at one point he told me that I smelled.  Progress?  If progress means I still don't know WTF is up with this guy!  Good LAWD.  I ended up having to tell one of the interns ... sorry, FORMER interns (as he always reminds me) ... about it because PLEASE, I can not keep my manufactured drama to myself ALL DAY.  So we were standing at our office door waiting for another guy to run out with us and grab coffee and Quiet Guy walked out into the hall, looked at us for a few seconds and then turned around and walked back to his cube.  So now I might have to add "thinks we'll beat him up and steal his lunch money" as something to consider in my WTF is up with this guy scenarios.

Have a smashing rest of the weekend!