Wednesday, July 9, 2008

My New Boyfriend

I just got off the phone with Digs and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.  She has been seeing this guy, but the initial chemistry has worn off and he's now on the downward, Seinfeld side of the slope where EVERYTHING is annoying her.  The poor guy doesn't stand a chance.  


"I realized the breaking point," she started to tell me, "was when we were driving in his car and I looked over and saw hair on the back of his neck.  You know when guys get their hair cut and they're supposed to get their neck shaved or whatever too?  Well he hadn't.  In a WHILE.  I couldn't stop looking at it."  

Apparently this is something that we've talked about before because her new brother in law confessed that the first time he met me, Digs and Spleen he overheard us talking about this very issue and how it was a NO NO.  I swear we weren't talking about him.  First of all, he's super clean cut.  But second of all, he's so damn tall I don't know that I've ever even seen his neck.  Anyway, I guess we gave him a complex and now it's something he's meticulous about.  (BreemastAH, if you're reading?  You're welcome.)

So this was usually around the time during Digs and my phone conversations that I would interject with some quippy little story about whatever guy I was currently crushing on and we'd giggle and call it a day.  BUT I HAD NOTHING.  The best I could scrounge up was the guy's ass at work that I check out whenever we're on our way to lunch ... or happy hour ... or a meeting and how occasionally he'll roll his shirt sleeves up and I check out his forearms too.

Necks?  Forearms?  Clothed asses?

WHAT IS THIS?  CRUSHING DURING THE VICTORIAN ERA?

I could tell Digs was waiting for more.  And TRUST me, I was searching for something, anything when she said "that's all ya got?"  

"DUDE!"  I yelled back.  "At least he doesn't have any neck hair, he shaves his head."  
We both paused.  
"Ok, yes.  I am now, officially, AT the bottom of the barrel," I finished.
"Nah.  You've got a boyfriend.  His name is Paris.  You're just spending all your time on that right now."

That's when I sat back and smiled.  My trip is less than 2 months away!  I got my first new pair of Europe shoes from Zappos in the mail today and the other two pair should be showing up tomorrow.  Guidebooks clutter every surface of my house and trip planning is in full swing.  I've been reading that Frenchmen are kind of pervy, ass grabby and women frequently get groped on the metro.  And Frenchies, to that I say ...

SSG is COUNTING on it!

4 comments:

Lys said...

EUROPE SHOES??? Do tell SSG - you've been holding out re: shoe shopping, haven't you.

I think you are going to have some serious fun with Frenchie(s)

Big Hair Envy said...

You are SO going to have all of the good stories when you return from your trip! Don't worry about a little slump :)

coastrat said...

Where all do you plan to visit? Only France?

(Sometimes!) Serendipitous Girl said...

Yep, just France on this trip Coast Rat. And Lys ... shoe details coming soon ...