Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I Think I'm Turning Into a Guy

  • I am STILL at home due to inclement weather.  I'm giving Hugh Hefner a run for his money with the amount of pajamas I've worn in the last 200 years since I've been in captivity from this Arctic-Freeze-Blast-Whatever-Pain-In-My-Ass storm we've been having (but the snow is SO pretty!) ... let's also not forget SSG was SICK for two weekends prior to this.  
  • I just realized I don't think I've been out on a weekend since December started (please excuse SSG as she sticks her head in the oven).
  • I DID run into my neighbor yesterday though and she (not cute neighbor ladies, sorry) said: "You look so nice!  Did you go to work today?"  Apparently all you have to do to dress up pajamas is wear your winter coat and a scarf over them.  This helpful tip brought to you by the SSG.  You are welcome.
  • Do any of you smarties know how to record a voicemail from your cell phone onto your computer?  My college roommates, Digs and Spleen (TOTALLY their real names), left me a voicemail last night and it's the most hilarious thing I've ever heard in my life.  Let's just say there may have been some wine involved.  And Christmas carols sung where SSG is likened to a popsicle.  
  • One of said college roommates also sent SSG a subscription to Maxim magazine.  Maxim magazine is a guys magazine and has some of the smart assy-ist (is TOO a word) writing I have ever read in my life.
  • SSG LOVES Maxim magazine.  She worried for a second that it accidentally got put into her mailbox as both of her neighbors are single guys (why is SSG at HER house again?) but figured they wouldn't mind if she read it.  Then she spied her college nickname on the mailing label.
  • I wonder if the person who types up the subscriptions was all "WTF?" when they saw the name to send it to.  Thanks Digs!  This was also the Digs that filled out an "I'd like more information on" card for Miracle Ear.  SSG got a call bright and early at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning from a very nice Miracle Ear rep.  Did SSG mention she was in college?  And 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning was like maybe 2 hours after she went to bed?  (Payback is a comin' sister.)
  • Maxim magazine is probably not the magazine to be reading when you've been in pajamas for 90% of December and eating cookies for breakfast.  Because um, half naked girls?  Maxim is ON THAT.  
  • I imagine the "Sexiest Stars of 2009" make me feel about as sexy as guys do when they imagine themselves in a Speedo.  While standing next to Michael Phelps.  Who is also in a Speedo.
  • Why do I read?  For responses to reader questions like "What happens if I use steroids but don't exercise?"  Maxim responds "We applaud your desire to get ripped yet remain lazy ..."  Love those guys.
  • In SSG's effort to get ripped yet remain lazy, she walked a whole two houses down the street, to go to her neighbors and watch Monday Night Football where she drank two Coors Lights and called the Bears the "Cubs." 
  • Perhaps she is still a girl after all.

7 comments:

Living on the Spit said...

I am so sorry that you have had to suffer so to provide the daily comical humor that you have been providing for us, but you are an absolute riot!!! I am laughing so hard I woke up the great sick one...I blamed it on you, okay?

I am hoping that the weather breaks soon and you can go back to the throngs of humanity, then again maybe I want you to stay inside until Spring.

Can I remind you that this is only the 4th day of Winter?

I know..I am bad...but I know you love me!

Marlene

Molly said...

Well, alrighty then. The weather is starting to make you crack. On the other hand, you are getting funnier. Is that what they mean by sacrificing for your art?

And on a personal note? I cannot imagine exercising Fisher in this. Ay carumba. I love my dogs, but in snow drifts and tundra like winds?

Cool Breeze said...

I would prefer it that way.

Big Hair Envy said...

Girlfriend, You. Need. A. Date. STAT!

You at least need to GET OUT! The next thing you know, you are going to look like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining"......"Honey! I'm HOOOOOMMMMEEEE!" That will definitely ruin any chance you may have with Cute Neighbor.

Word Verification: traniz
trannys?? Bwahahahaha!

Predo said...

Well then, with all this new found testosterone, what ever shall we call you? Sometimes Serendipitous Girl would not cut it for a man. So, hmmmmmm, what shall we call you.....hmmmmmm. I need more time. So, I will send over a jock strap, and we can think on it over a bottle of wine at Christmas.....sorry no wine, beer, lots of beer and manly whisky, and crotch scratching and spitting and such.....

Lys said...

Your college roommates are downright mischievious!!

Fabulously Broke said...

Oh that is awesome :)

Maxim is quite the magazine. I read through it once and realized it was a mix of porn and 'helpful tips' for guys who were lost as to what to do in life and with women.

I put it back down and called it "Mensmo" (Male Cosmo).

Fabulously Broke in the City
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver...