Monday, July 13, 2009

Teeter Totter

When I was little, one of my favorite rides to go on at the park was the teeter toter. Something about the sensation of flying up and then being slowly let down, knowing all the while that you'd get a chance to go up again.

SSG's weekend was quite the teeter toter.

Friday night I met up with a friend and a friend of hers that she had been wanting to introduce me to. The three of us ladies hit up the town and were having a great time dishing purses, cocktails, food and boys. We started talking about the roller coaster that is online dating and SSG was joking that though she has gone on some dates, so far she has only met a friend ... and not even really a friend but a POTENTIAL friend.

A month or so ago I started communicating with this guy. We had a lot in common in our work life, but he leaned toward the outdoorsy and SSG just wasn't sensing a whole lot of chemistry. So I sent him an e-mail letting him know that he was cool and that I WISH I were outdoorsy, because DUDE, Portland would be SSG's oyster of outdoorsy boys if she were into that sort of thing, but that this SSG likes outdoor CAFES and hiking maybe a mile to a waterfall for an afternoon spent picnicking and dipping my toes in the water. He responded that no worries, he was always looking to expand his social circle and become friends if nothing else. We exchanged numbers and I told him I'd call him next time I was planning on being in his 'hood.

So as I'm talking to the ladies about this and a few more details are exchanged, it turns out that my friend's friend, super cool chick that SSG would want to be friends with, is DATING him. And HAS BEEN dating him for the last few months. Ohhh boy. Talk about AWKWARD. SSG literally had both hands over her mouth for fear of shouting "Kick that guy to the curb! Let's all go out and meet some new boys! You're AWESOME! If I were a dude I'd totally date you! Let's forget all about this CRAZY SMALL ICKY PIECE OF THE WORLD WE JUST FOUND OURSELVES IN!"

To her credit, she handled it REALLY well. And was incredibly gracious and went out of her way to thank ME. Which GAH made me feel even worse even though I didn't do anything wrong. But DUDE. I just felt awful for handing over a lot of pain, albeit unknowingly and unintentionally, to someone that I just met and really liked. I hope she's okay.

Saturday night I then found myself on a date with a total douche bag. Like I can't even pick out one positive thing. Okay, wait. He did clue me into a fun radio station that I had never heard of and that I do listen to now on a regular basis. And I suppose he DIDN'T pluck one of the hairs out of my head and use it for dental floss a la When Harry Met Sally. So there is that. But otherwise ... MAN. No manners, dropping F bombs, I could go on and on. My text message to Digs on my way home summed it up.

"Um, NO."

Sunday morning I woke up and decided to take myself out for the day.

I started at Starbucks and read The Sweet Life in Paris by David Lebovitz for an hour (which SSG can't recommend highly enough, it's wonderful). Then hit up Lowe's for some spray paint for my table. I made a few rounds at some other favorite stores before heading home, changing into some scrubby clothes and going out front to start spray painting my table.

And who do I see?

My cute neighbor. The one that I've lived next to for four years and didn't meet until I banged on his door to tell him to turn his music down and discovered he was cute and really nice and now I totally feel like THAT neighbor and have rarely seen him since. He doesn't see me when I'm dressed up to go to work. He doesn't see me when I'm dressed up to go on a date. No, no. He sees me (with his FAMILY no less) is a ginormous Padres t-shirt, faded black yoga pants, hair piled on top of my head and "pistachio" spray paint ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Can we say AWESOME?!

I finished one chair and was so mortified that I ended up stopping, shut the garage, went upstairs and holed up watching "Killer Hair" and "Hostile Makeover." Two Lifetime movies. Which I'm pretty sure solidifies my spinsterhood. Oh yes, and it RAINED outside. In JULY.

So needless to say ... this SSG is patiently-ish waiting for that teeter toter to go back up, returning her once again to the sweet life in Portland.


The Incredible Woody said...

OMG - at least he wasn't MARRIED to her!!!

Hang in there, chica! There's a Mr. Nice Guy out there somewhere.

ab said...

I'm a firm believer that you meet the best people when you are not intending to. That goes for guys too. But that dude is a jackass, can you imagine the wrath that she gave him? I'm glad she was cool with you about it, certainly not your fault. Portland is such a small town.

BellaDella said...

Only you! What a weekend!

Rhiannon said...

I'm sad that the online dating isn't working better. I met my boy on eHarmony - and he was the FIRST person I met.

OH, but, once I dated this huge jackass and my friend was on and she was MATCHED WITH HIM. AND WE LIVED TOGETHER AT THE TIME. said...

What a bastard! Well, at least it was just a few months. Was it very serious between them or did she say?
Cute neighbor needs to get his head out of his ass and pay attention to his neighbor at the correct times.
What do you think about sending him a schedule of when he should be outside ready to wave at you? Maybe you just need to go and borrow a cup of sugar. And then when you have had time to replenish your sugar stock, go return it. ;-)

Molly said...

i have no words. the sheer coincidence of the whole thing leaves me dizzy.

about that hiding from cute neighbor when being industrious: DON'T!

Living on the Spit said...

That teeter totter will definitely be going back up really soon.

Talk about awkward witht he guy and his GIRLFRIEND. I bet you will not be bothered by him anymore. What an ASS.

Frita said...

Oh I have missed reading this my dear. What a life you lead... ;)