Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Blomit (Blog + Vomit)

Hi!  You've come to the most boring site ever.  Welcome!  

I can not keep one coherent thought going, so here you go!  A few of the things on my mind today:

1)  The carnival rides being set up at the waterfront.  How do these things remain in existence?  Let us (read: the shower, razor and laundromat deprived) drive massive amounts of machinery from state to state, throw "The Twister!" up with a few bolts, down a couple of 40's while we're at it and maintain that no, we're not on the Sex Offenders list ... in this state ... yet. "Want some cotton candy little children?" Mwa haa haa.

2)  Thinking that by telling me you don't curse it will make me stop.   It just means that when I say "What the fuck?"  I will now say: "What the fuck.  Oh sorry (insert name here), but seriously. What the fuck?"

3)  Wishing that I came up with the following sentence:  "If you equate every aspect of  your life to 80's power ballads (and let's face it - who doesn't) ..."  Instead, I found out it was written by this adorable, smart ass, California hating U of O student that made me laugh out loud today.  Ladies of U of O, someone sleep with this kid.   Otherwise, I'm going to get 5 years in a women's detention facility and have to leave my lucrative finance career to set up a Tilt-a-Whirl at the Anderson County Fair.  

4)  Shout out to H who 1) I heard stops by here on occasion and 2) got engaged this weekend!  (Obviously #1 is the most important)  She is most famous for her work in a certain Food Network Host's "Chefography."    I don't want to sell her out, but let me just say that the chef's name rhymes with Schmyler Blorence. 

(No, once is not enough).

Send help people.  And by help I mean Grey Goose Lemon Drops and NOT the authorities.


Lys said...

If you are asking for Grey Goose lemon drops, send some to Orlando. And this post is hilarious!!!

Found you via Hotfessional!

Anonymous said...

"Help is on the way" but you gotta dance for it Sista! Shall I chill a glass or make a pitcher?

HalfAsstic.com said...

Ree over at Hotfessional hooked me up with your blog. Great Job!
I'll be back!