Monday, April 6, 2009

Bloom Where You're Planted

Oh internets ... spring is ...


I am SO glad she finally decided to show up to Portland this weekend.  Gorgeous weather, beautiful flowers, happy Portlanders and one ecstatic SSG.   

I took my camera on my hike and then promptly forgot it for the rest of the weekend.  Hike photos coming tomorrow, but here's a recap from some of the weekend highlights.

  • Out for cocktails on Friday night our group was discussing whether or not we should change venues.  Someone jokingly said we should go to The Gypsy, a dive bar in Northwest Portland that has a penchant for cheap, fishbowl size drinks with multiple straws and entire pineapples on the rim.  Because of the size of the drinks, I jokingly said we should all go and sit in them LIKE a jacuzzi.  I had NO IDEA why that statement made the dudes in our group desperate to get to The Gypsy.  A few minutes later I discovered they thought I said we should all GO SIT IN THE jacuzzi.  An ACTUAL jacuzzi.  We ended up staying exactly where we were once it got cleared up that the Gypsy did indeed NOT have a jacuzzi and that SSG employed the use of a simile.  (The ensuing grammar debate was equally as entertaining.)
  • Fisher is pretty much THE ultimate wing-dog because SSG met A LOT of dudes on her hike Saturday and at the ensuing coffee date (with a friend) she had afterward.  She will be accompanying me everywhere from this point forward.
  • I was supposed to go out with my gay friend from work and his new boyfriend on Saturday night.  They wanted to help me with BW09 and are so cute I can't stand it.  Though in retrospect ... I have no idea how being the third wheel on a date with two gay guys would have helped my cause. 
  • I ended up not being able to go on a date with those two because ... NO JOKE ... I couldn't put shoes on.  SSG dropped a drawer on her toe early Saturday evening and almost passed out from watching it change 37 different shades of purple.  
  • Instead, my Saturday evening found me with an ice pack on my foot watching some cheesy Lifetime Nora Roberts movie called High Noon.  Jealous?  I feel like I should go have a one night stand TONIGHT just to prove that SSG is still HAPPENING and not on some slippery slope toward housecoats and hoarding cats.
  • Sunday I invited Predo & Jimmy to breakfast.  They drove.  And paid.  So of course I thanked them profusely and then asked if they wanted to go shoe shopping.  Or on a trip to the Caribbean.  I also decided to show my broken toe to Predo.  And then once I saw his horrified expression, I promptly covered it up and refused to show it to Jimmy.  I think Jimmy can still love me but I'm not sure Predo will ever recover.  
  • As if they don't do ENOUGH for me, Predo gave me a HUGE BAG FULL of Chewy Sprees! I almost sucked face with him on the spot ... But I don't know that he would have ever recovered from that either.
  • I caught up with Spleen and Digs this weekend.  Our little Spleendawg has found the boy she is GOING TO MARRY!  They've been dating for a year and a half (ish) and are starting to talk about their future plans and buying a house and all kinds of other adult stuff that makes me get teary eyed with happiness for her.  She is AMAZING and he gets her and just ... SQUEE! 
  • Speaking of amazing ... My stomach hurts from cracking up during my conversation with Digs.  We had been dishing recipes when she asked about the best way to cook a pork tenderloin.  "How big is it?"  I asked, assuming she would tell me it was a pound or two when she goes "DUDE, it is AN ELEPHANT PENIS."  WHAT?!  I screamed and almost fell off the couch.  "Seriously!  There was no way to pick it up at the grocery store without feeling like I was jacking off a piece of meat!"

And on that note, I hope your weekends were as equally ... satisfying. 



Unknown said...

I am laughing so hard from this post, I realy am left at a loss for words.

You are way cheaper than therapy.

Lys said...

OK, that's it SSG - My Starbucks almost went EVERYWHERE when I read the last line. Happy Monday!

Rhi said...

I am TRYING to forgive you for calling my college hangout a DIVE BAR! It's really more of a college bar - a college bar that I sometimes show up at and then promptly remember that I'm 30 years old.

Predo said...

Well, elephant penis? I have not heard that one in a while (but then again I have been away from the dating scene for some time!!!)!

How long does one actually cook an elephant penis? Enquiring minds want to know!

Bella Della said...

You crack me up. I know I tell you this all the time but you truly do. You sense of humor is such a comfort. And of course I could not wait to see what Predo had to say about elephant penis. He didn't disappoint!

Hope you are having a great Monday! It got here way too fast. Oh, and mom gave me my hug! Wish you could have been there.

T said...

First - how green with envy am I that you met up with Predo! I've just recently discoverd his blog and love it!

Second....laughing my butt off...woke the cat and dog up with it!

Love your blog and I'll be back OFTEN.


Unknown said...

I will never be able to look a pork tenderloin in the face again without cracking up and thinking about elephants' penis'

What a lovely gift that would make for your gay friend and his new boyfriend....maybe.

I Am Woody said...

OMG - an elephant penis!! And did you ask just how Digs know the size of an elephant penis?

Hope the toe healing fairy visits tonight!

Molly said...

You and April made me LOL at work today. Now they all look at me suspiciously - well they should have all along I guess. Anyway, thanks for the giggle and snort today!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

What in God's name am I going to do with the elephant penis in my freezer? Obviously it cannot be cooked and eaten now.....I'd feel immoral. Or slightly grossed out.

Jason, as himself said...

You and Predo have such a fun friendship. Grossing out over broken toes, sharing candy. And all the other great stuff.

kristi said...

Spit sent me over...this is funny stuff!