Chez SSG Gets a Makeover

When I was home for the month of December I watched A LOT of HGTV.  I think this is what prompted SSG's confessions on Thursday ... that and everyone staring at my naked walls when they come over.  I started having home image issues.  (Pasty walls can make even the skinniest houses look fat!)

HGTV makes it look SO easy.  They repaint, rearrange and redo virtually every surface.  SSG LOVES Divine Design.  She loves it so much that she doesn't even mind Candace Olson and her guests saying "aboot" instead of "about."  Or the fact that Chico, the electrician, has a ponytail.  (Okay, that's kind of a lie, SSG closes her eyes whenever "the ponytail" is around and makes whoever is watching it with her tell her when he's off camera.  Kind of like she does during scary movies.)

Where was I again?

OH YEAH.

So SSG said to Fisher: "I could SO do THAT."  

That enthusiasm lasted about a half hour, which was enough time to go around the house and make a list of everything she wanted to do.  Which was exactly enough time to realize that home improvements take A LOT longer than a half hour and that more money is probably exchanged on those shows than with a high priced hooker.

So then she took a nap.

But after a few days SSG started thinking about how much money she had.  And maybe breaking down the projects into smaller pieces, working with what she already has and instead of spending entire DAYS, spending an hour or two here and there.  SSG is a firm believer that small efforts add  up to big results over time.  (This is why SSG exerts as SMALL an effort as possible in her daily life.)

So she checked her piggy bank.

And realized there was probably about $50 in it.

So she decided she'd start at the first place she sees when she comes home each day.  Her front door.  She had a couple of pots in her garage that had been collecting some dust for a couple of years and figured she could throw some plants in there and call it a day.

Places like Home Depot and Lowe's FREAK SSG out.  She gets overwhelmed and starts sweating.  And usually has on the WRONG attire whenever she goes there.  Like last time.  When she had on a pair of peep toe leopard print flats and one of the guys that was helping her cut some lumber for a project she never finished said "nice shoes."  But instead of being complimentary, she's pretty sure it was judgey and so she complimented him on his steel toed work boots and said "yeah, I left my pair of those at home."

So this time she decided to go to a nursery.  Because it sounded like the kind of place where babies hang out.  And since SSG is kind of a baby when it comes to gardening, she hoped that it would be super elementary and dumbed down.

But then she walked into this.

And started hyperventilating.

But then she saw this and it was kind of what she wanted.

But then she started hyperventilating when she saw the $500 price tag.

So she grabbed a bunch of stuff, threw it in her cart and walked out of the store for $40.  

She's going for English Cottage ... boxwood, primrose, ornamental grass and some kind of rosemary in the back?  (Whatever, it was cheap and small.)  

All of you gardeners out there are laughing, I know.  I can hear you.

Are you even supposed to plant stuff in January?  The parking lot WAS kind of empty. 

So this is SSG's front door before.

And this is her front door after.

And that cute mat was only $12 at Target. 

Bonjour!  May I offer you a lemon drop from my pasty white kitchen?