Bad Boys Bad Boys (Allegedly)

So I've only ever seen, like, two or three episodes of Cops.  But they all seem to hit the following high points:

1)  Someone is drunk.

2)  Someone decides to run.

3)  Aforementioned someone is ALWAYS in their underwear.

So!  GUESS who saw The Neighbor Formerly Known as Cute Neighbor (NFKACN?) in his underwear last night?  

While being taken away by the cops at 1 a.m. 

In handcuffs. 

AFTER his door had to be BROKEN DOWN?

Go on, GUESS.

I have told you that I live in the 'burbs, right?  There is no trailer park within a 10 mile radius.  The most exciting thing that happens here is a cat gets stuck in a tree ... namely, my cat ... and that we're going to be getting an overpriced yuppie food market down the street.  We drink WINE.  We have DINNER PARTIES.  People DO get tickets, but it's for keeping their CHRISTMAS LIGHTS up too long.

We DON'T lead cops on a high speed chase through the neighborhood.  (Where high speed equals like 35 miles an hour.)  Unfortunately NFKACN obviously didn't get THAT newsletter.

So yeah!  It was really um ... what's the word ... oh yeah ... TERRIFYING here for about an hour this morning.  What with the police dogs, seven cruisers, countless cops yelling, door breaking, underwear wearing neighbor (boxer briefs) in handcuffs on his knees in the driveway.

SSG almost passed out from not breathing as she was peeking through her bedroom window.  She kept Fisher SO quiet and was SO super stealth that one of the officers stared directly up at the window and then came knocking at the front door.

Shit.

If you would have told me I'd be giving one guy mah digits after seeing another one in his skivs?  I would have said "Regular. Friday. Night."  Oh wait, what?  Anyhoo, I told the officer what I saw and answered his questions.  (Was birth date really necessary?  Why don't you just follow it up with: Marital status?  And then: How many cats you got in there?)  

After all that and while watching neighbors decide their dogs had to be taken for walks at 1 a.m. or other neighbors who decided they just HAD to get their mail, I had the courage to ask: "WTF HAPPENED?!?!" (But in a nice, non yelly way.)

Seems NFKACN had a few too many, got pulled over and then decided he didn't want to wait around to get arrested on the street.  He'd MUCH rather bring an episode of Cops to SSG's neighborhood.  Awesome.   

SSG has three things to say about this scenario:

1) Thank gah he wasn't wearing tighty whiteys because THAT would have been awkward.

2) SSG has standards.  Okay she has ONE standard.  So this probably won't be turning into the romantic comedy you all were hoping for.

3) More importantly, thank GAH SSG didn't bake any cookies for this guy!  

We can now exist in the same awkward hand-waving-as-we-pass-each-other-in-our-cars relationship that I have with my other single dude neighbor.  

And let's hope if the other single dude neighbor brings a television show to our neighborhood it's something from HGTV.

(Edited to add:  The Sometimes Serendipitous Girl's legal team would like to remind readers that people are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.  But that "cute" is subjective so you can all start calling him the NFKACN immediately.  But to the rest of this post, SSG adds 'ALLEGEDLY.')

The End